Just a girl with a hammer

Front yard plans

2012-01-31T08:00:00.000-08:00

So. The side yard with its sad weird curves, its buried oil tank, and its random mohawk of roses.

I've spent so much energy in the backyard focusing on shrubs and the structure of the yard that I haven't gotten to have a lot of fun with perennials. I've decided that this is the area where I can get my rocks off and plant any perennials that I feel like and not worry about winter interest or anything. It's going to be the lab and I'm just going to plant what looks pretty in the catalog and if it looks terrible I'll just pull it up and plant something else. Anything softening that line of roses has to be an improvement.

Don't be jealous of my MS Paint skills.

That's not a dragon, that's an approximation of the perennials I will plant and the pathway we'll put next to the driveway. I'm going to plant things that butterflies and hummingbirds like and maybe put down gravel around the pavers, which butterflies use to replenish their salts. We already have a birdbath here and a hummingbird feeder, which is being thuggishly guarded by a male. Hopefully this should draw all the pretty critters to the area viewable from my kitchen window.

These are the plants that I'm ogling right now. The palate is kind of a mess (orange! purple! red! blue!) but I'm just going to plant them and see what happens.

There are a lot of agastaches, poppies, and penstemons and a lot of plants I saw in Scott's yard. I want to work in some grasses so if anyone has a favorite to suggest (cough*scott*cough), I'm all ears. Or if you have a great flower to suggest, let me know!

The nerve of the nature!

2012-01-28T15:25:00.000-08:00

Squirrels are such assholes.

If you are a house blogger . . .

2012-01-28T08:00:00.000-08:00

If you are a blogger, chances are you're either redoing your kitchen or you're pregnant. No, seriously, go look at your RSS reader. Pregnant or remodeling their kitchen or sometimes both.

I don't want babies so I'm satisfying the demands of the gods by doing the only kitchen remodel I can afford: painting the door. These pictures best show the gnarly state of our kitchen door. Dinged, dented, filthy, peeling, and just sad.

Upon taking apart the doorknob, I discovered that the previous owner had affixed it with caulk. Like the kind you use to seal your bathtub. That makes sense! I used a scraper to get the caulk off, leaving me with this mess.

I sanded everything down but I didn't have wood putty because of an unfortunate accident where my tube of wood putty hardened at the top and I squeezed too hard and the whole tube pooped out its contents from the bottom end, all over me. That's pretty much what having kids is like, right?

I wanted to get the door done before the boy returned from his work trip (Surprise! Paint fumes!) so I just painted it without filling the gauges. Enh, we'll live. I also hit up the knob with some Brasso.

It looks better, ya? Of course, now that the whole thing looks shiny and new I kind of feel like it would look better with a color. Maybe I could paint it yellow and Greg would feel better about the fact that I stole his yellow hallway from him.

Or maybe that's a bad idea.

Sherwin-Williams Daffodil

Sherwin-Williams Chartreuse

Sherwin-Williams Jonquil

The kitchen has always been tricky because the yellow counters are so cool and the floor tiles ended up being so much warmer and browner than I expected--I'm still trying to find ways to bridge the gap between the two. Regardless, I need to address the trim which still needs to be filled, sanded, and painted.

Now go double up on your birth control and get ready to pick out faucets. Or suggest paint colors for the door if you're feeling opinionated.

A very good idea

2012-01-27T17:00:00.000-08:00

I moved the birdbath from the backyard to the driveway strip so I can see the birds playing from the kitchen window. I love watching birds in the birdbath. WHO THE HELL AM I ANYMORE?

I know I'm really going to tempt the spambots by saying this, but BUSHTITS, you guys!

They ARE bushtits, right?

I'm too old for this shit, he thinks.

And then this one gave me the stinkeye and I stopped taking pictures.

Psaltriparus minimus

I'll tell you soon about the other birdbath I bought off of craigslist for $5. It was cracked, put back together poorly, and I had to drive to Cornelius in rush hour traffic to get it. It took 2.5 hours round trip. I patched it with Liquid Nails and we'll see this weekend if it will hold water. If it does? Totally worth it.

If it won't hold water I'm declaring myself barred from using craigslist again.

Tagged!

2012-01-26T17:00:00.000-08:00

Amy tagged me!

Despite the fact that the game of tag always resulted in me slipping in my mary janes, eating asphalt, and crying in the nurse's office, I'm going to play.

Here are the rules:

Post these rules
You must post 11 random things about yourself
Answer the questions set for you in their post
Are jokes about "there is no Fight Club" still funny?

11 random things about yourself:

I've kept a journal my entire life. I've shredded some of them and kept others. My sister and I have a pact that if one of us dies, the other will fly to the their house and burn their journals. I secretly think my sister will read mine first.
I get really handsy on planes. It's not the flying; it's the Xanax and alcohol I need to get on a plane. I love you so much. No really, I dooooooo.
I drink a stupid amount of water so I pee more than 30 times per day.
I'm high strung and I always have been. I hate it, and yet: I get a lot done. Think of what I could achieve if I wasn't peeing all the time!
I don't think Sarah Winchester was crazy or worried about ghosts. I think she just loved home improvement. I think she would have been an awesome home blogger. Who amongst us hasn't accidentally built a staircase to nowhere?
I like having secrets. Everyone should have some. Someday I want a swing-out painting that hides a wall safe. Or a bookcase that hides a secret room. And in it I will watch The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills without having to hear someone sighing loudly in the next room, GREG.
I have the best family. I totally won the parental lottery. The older I get the more people I know with strained parental relations and I feel even luckier for having such a supportive family that I genuinely like being around.
My mother was a total DIY rockstar, without the Internet. Growing up she was constantly redecorating our house on a tiny budget. There was nothing she couldn't make/fix/do. She is the reason I knew I'd be okay buying a fixer. I'm still hoping she'll teach me how to hang wallpaper.
Now that I have EIGHT nieces and nephews (plus Greg's two!) I've realized that all kids are really weird. You were weird too. Let's all stop pretending anything or anyone is normal.
I am super cheesy but can't abide it in other people. I'll be over-the-top sappy but if someone else tries it I roll my eyes and dry heave.
I can't paint without singalong music, which is how I know that it's much more embarrassing to be caught singing the Glee cover of Endless Love than any song on the Buffy the Vampire Slayer musical episode.

What is your #1 best memory – the one that will always make you smile?

I totally can't write about any of my favorite memories because my parents read this blog. But pretty high up there would be celebrating at the bar after my graduation from library school. All of my friends came up to watch and I felt really celebrated. It was a blast.

Literate for life, yo.

If you could do anything (career wise), and money was no object, what would that be?

An Alvin Ailey dancer or a gardener. Or a garden consultant. I just want to talk about plants all day with other people who like plants.

What is the most awesome place you’ve ever visited?

Probably Florence, Italy. It's a ridiculous city--the art, the architecture, the food, the beauty. How did one country get so lucky? Of course, they have Berlusconi. So.

What is your go-to comfort food?

Kraft mac and cheese or egg noodles with butter, parmesan, and lots of salt.

What is your guilty pleasure (that you’re willing to admit to in a public forum?)

The Bachelor. It's horrible. I have to watch it even though the current bachelor can't use adverbs (he wants to "kiss her so bad" or "take it serious") or open a bottle of champagne properly despite the fact that he OWNS A WINERY. You pull the bottle away from the cork, no bubbles get spilled, and you still get to aggressively tongue that "VIP cocktail waitress" with a made up name. JEEZ.

And he always wears a vest. How does that work?

Favorite way to relieve stress?

Working really hard in the garden or dance class, followed by a long shower and wine in my jammies.

Favorite book?

Despite my suspicion that John Steinbeck hated women, East of Eden. It's followed closely by Angle of Repose by Wallace Stegner or Plainsong by Kent Haruf. I love the Western experience.

Favorite movie?

Moonstruck. I dare you to find a better scene than Nicolas Cage knocking the kitchen table over, picking Cher up, and yelling, "Son of a bitch!"

What are you good at that hardly ever gets recognized? (example, are you a masterful karaoke singer? do you play a mean harmonica? is your hidden talent hopscotch?)

Whistling. I can totally whistle.

What did your 10-year-old self want to be when you grew up? Do you still want that? (Are you that?)

I honestly can't remember. When I was very young I wanted to be a housekeeper (I would clean my friends' bedrooms growing up, if they'd let me) and then I think maybe I wanted to be a teacher? I definitely wanted to be an eater at The Sizzler's all-you-can-eat buffet. So in that sense, yes, I am that.

What's holding you back?

Debt and doubt. Double-dipt cones. Possibly dub-step. I have no idea what dub-step is and it makes me feel ancient.

Tagged:

Ami.
Jess.
Anne.
Laura.

Same questions. But no pressure to do this, if it's not your bag.

Removing doors and patching holes

2012-01-25T10:04:00.000-08:00

We have two doorways that lead to the back hallway and bedrooms: one from the living room and one from the kitchen. Only one of them had a door actually hanging from the hinges. Even if we had doors on both, we'd never use them. We just don't have the same sense of propriety that they did in 1938 when they built my house. Realizing that we never close the door off the living room, I asked Greg if he'd care if I just got rid of it. He responded that he'd never been sure why I hadn't removed it already.

But that means we had this situation going on when I removed the hinges. Sorry about the bad photography--this hallway gets zero light.

Bad pictures, ahoy!

My friend Sarah told me about using those free paint stirrer sticks to patch these holes. They fit perfectly.

You just trim them to fit (we used craft scissors), attach them with finishing nails (drill a pilot hole or the wood will split), hit them with some wood putty, sand them, prime them, and paint them.

It's like there was never a door here!

Oh wait, except for on the other side. We haven't figured out the best way to patch this hole yet. It's too shallow to accommodate a paint stick. So we could chisel out a deeper hole or try to find a thinner piece of wood to patch it. We'll probably go with the latter.

In case anybody is worried, we are keeping the door we removed in storage. Future owners may want to be able to close off areas of the house and you don't give away original solid-wood doors.

Where I continue to pay for my mistakes

2012-01-22T20:49:00.000-08:00

Remember how I poured boiling water down my bathroom sink and cracked it? And then how Home Depot sent me a replacement one for free because I wrote the CEO?

That replacement sink sat in our living room for a couple of months in its humongous box because I didn't want to install it. To put in the new sink I'd need to remove the old faucet from the old sink and then reinstall it. Installing faucets is the worst: you have to get three separate parts aligned while tightening bolts from two different sides and it just totally sucks. I did it myself when I first installed the sink and it's a miracle that it was even close to normal looking.

I started by unwrapping the box in the smallest area possible. Does anyone else do this? Inevitably I decide to build a huge Ikea desk in the hallway, only to discover that I've wedged myself into a corner and it requires an act of god to get it and me out.

Last time I put the sink together I used a jigsaw to inelegantly cut out an area for the P-trap.

When my parents remodeled their bathrooms the contractor used a hole saw to create a tidy hole for the pipes. This time we were going to do it right! So I went to Home Depot, bought a hole saw and the auger/pilot hole bit for it to attach to my drill.

Except I bought a bit that's too big for my drill. So we connected it to a socket wrench and did it by hand. That's how we roll.

And that mostly worked.

Then I started to dismantle the faucet from the old sink, only to find that the plastic snaps underneath that connect the water supply tubes to the faucets are designed to be installed once. I couldn't figure out a way to get them off without just breaking them. I'm sure they sell replacement kits online but they didn't have them at the Home Depot, which meant purchasing another faucet kit. I don't know about you but I can think of about a thousand things I'd rather spend my money on than a new faucet. Like curtains. Or scotch. Or new trees for the yard. Toilet paper. Anything, really.

So Greg and I installed them and got really, really pissy with each other. I hate that part of home improvement. But it got easier from there! We had lunch! I installed the plumbing! Oh my god it was leaking underneath! Then Greg and I bickered about what was leaking (I was right, just saying), reinstalled the plunger kit again (still leaking), then tried the old plunger kit (it leaked too), then discovered that the porcelain has a tiny chip where the sink terminates and meets the gasket in the drain stem.

Fuck. Me.

It was really discouraging. Finally, with a magical combination of plumbers putty (which I kept calling "plutters pumby" even though I had NOT been drinking), wrenching, and swear words, it stopped leaking. Usually when I finish a project like that I feel exuberant afterward. This time I just felt like weeping because I have no confidence that this will continue to be watertight.

The best part of this whole story? Our bathroom looks exactly the same as it did before I lost an entire Saturday to it. Okay, we no longer have a line of caulk through the middle of our sink basin, but other than that it's the same. Do they make fifty year sinks? Next time I'm buying one of those, having it professionally installed, then never touching it again.

Before

After

Have you told someone you love recently not to pour boiling water down their bathroom sink? Maybe you should go do that right now.

Painting! So much painting!

2012-01-19T08:00:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I like painting swatches better than I like painting entire rooms or walls. But then sometimes I paint too many swatches in random places and our house starts to look like an outward manifestation of my mind and it. is. not. pretty. So I have to repaint. All of this is to say, I painted the hallway!

The original yellow, which wasn't so buttery looking IRL.

Because I am a terrible girlfriend, I removed the one paint color that Greg really likes in the house: the yellow in the hallway. (I know you're thinking it looks pretty but it was a high-sheen paint that made me feel queasy in artificial light.) When asked why I would want to repaint it, I told him, "It doesn't fit with our color story."

"I don't even know what that means."
"Just trust me."
"I like the yellow."
"I hate it. It's too shiny, too matchy with the bathroom floor."
"How about orange?"
"With a pink, yellow, and purple bathroom adjacent? No way. Any other requests?"
"Black?"
"Go to hell."

See? Terrible girlfriend! Instead I chose the same off-white from the kitchen. It's clean, it's neutral, and we can easily paint over it later when we find a color we both like. It we're being honest, it barely looks different but it makes me happy. It helps that I painted with an eggshell finish.

I saw a very pale blue (Benjamin Moore Whirlpool) on Making It Lovely that I wanted to use in the alcove between the kitchen and the hallway. I'm still on the fence about it--I think it makes the floor tiles look yellow. The upshot was that we realized how much more light reflected in this space with a lighter paint on the wall. It could have a little to do with the fact that we finally washed our kitchen windows, but I think the paint is helping. Before it was a french blue color that was actually very pretty.

Before

After

In certain lights this color reads white but in the bright morning sunlight that streams through the kitchen window it's a very pale blue. I picked it up from Kaleidoscope Paint and I think I paid more for my first car than I did for this paint. It's low VOC but, shitballs, was it ever expensive. I'm not sure it was worth it. The trim paint I used was Benjamin Moore Aura (Snowfall White with a satin finish) and I would sell my first born for this stuff. It's dreamy to paint with. I want to bathe in it (not really. but sorta.). I'll definitely use it again.

And then we're going to put in some baseboard. Really.

Sludgestorm!

2012-01-18T10:17:00.000-08:00

Our rain garden is like a giant slurpee right now.

My poor Cryptomeria japonica was bent over with snow, like someone was pulling its ponytail from behind. We're going to have to restake it and give it some TLC this spring. Stupid snow isn't even sticking around. Hrmph.

Little things: the kitchen window

2012-01-12T08:30:00.000-08:00

I painted the kitchen well over two years ago but I never finished painting around the window. I wanted to do a thin stripe of orange or some other funky color . . . but I couldn't find the right shade. So I ignored it and we endured this view for two years.

It didn't help that a former owner had sloppily glopped paint on the outside of the windows, obscuring the view inside.

I finally just said, "fuck it," painted the inside white and the outside trim with the color from the basement and called it good. Greg took it to the next level by scraping the outside paint from the windows and Windexing the glass.

Oh my god, it's like looking outdoors in HD, you guys. The amount of extra light that comes in to the kitchen now is staggering. We were both conflicted about cleaning the windows because we don't want birds flying into them, but then we realized that we have a bird feeder that has yet to be visited by a single bird and that we're probably okay. I have tried so hard to be the crazy lady with all the bird feeders but the birds aren't playing along.

Next up: replacing that awful light fixture (the installers did something VERY weird with the wiring or this would be done already), escutcheons on the faucet, and repainting the kitchen door. And maybe washing the rest of our windows.

On Battlestar Galactica

2012-01-10T19:06:00.000-08:00

A lot of people make fun of my Battlestar Galactica posters in the living room but I never listen to them. I hope those people are ready to eat crow. Frakking crow.

If you have the fancy cable look for our house this weekend on Portlandia. The full episode they shot in our house doesn't have an air date that I can find (the sketch they shot here was called "Adult Babysitter") but our exterior is used in this weekend's skit about a couple obsessively watching Battlestar Galactica.

The interior shots are of someone else's house. Can we all agree now that BSG is awesome and there's nothing not-awesome about having posters of the show in our living room?

So say we all,
Heather

I think I'm going to have to declare this a garden oops

2012-01-07T11:52:00.000-08:00

Planting a Mexican Orange here seemed like such a good idea. It's evergreen, pretty, and full of good-smelling flowers. But sadly, the color is all wrong for this area.

Screaming yellow Choisya ternata 'Sundance' in late November

Neon yellow just isn't playing nicely with the rust and orange here. I need a small, evergreen shrub that will play nicely with this warm color palate. I'd love to put in a Fothergilla 'Mt. Airy' but it's deciduous. But look how pretty. So pretty!

Image yanked from here.

I kind of want to plant it anyway. But I need evergreen elements! Maybe another daphne? Or maybe an Osmanthus delavayi? I was hipped to it by Loree and made sure to pay attention to it when I visited the Chinese Garden with my parents. Or maybe I should finally give in to Oregon grape. This is the corner that we look at from our bed, so whatever goes here needs to be beautiful in every season.

The Choisya is going to move to the other side of the yard where it will get morning sun and a reprieve from the hottest part of the day. This supposedly leaves them less screaming yellow. And you know what? I KNEW that it would turn that color in full sun and I planted it anyway, thinking that it would magically behave differently. Like if I loved it enough it would just caramelize or something? It's this same kind of thinking that makes me plant all of my shrubs too closely together.

And I think the Lonicera nitida 'Baggensen's Gold' is gonna have to go somewhere else, too. It's just not the right color even though it's going to be a pretty little shrub.

One of you knows the perfect plant to put here. Come on, give it up already. Lend a fledgling gardener a hand.

Happy new year to ME!

2012-01-06T09:54:00.000-08:00

My hellebores are blooming! Oh happy day!

And then this happened. I'm assuming these are hyacinths that I planted last fall.

Though I'm kind of wondering where the rest of them are . . . it looks sort of dumb to have two random bulbs in a sea of brown.

And my daphne is forming buds!

Is it time to start gardening again? How about now?

2012 is going to be the year of little things

2011-12-31T15:28:00.000-08:00

When I was looking for a house to buy my friends were knee deep in renovating their entire house. I was taking a tour of their kitchen remodel and my friend showed me how, three months later, they still hadn't glued on the countertop backsplash. He told me, "This would take me an hour tops but it's these little things that never get done when you own a fixer."

I swore I'd be different.

And yet, here I am, two years after I patched that mystery hole in the ceiling of my kitchen and I still haven't textured that spot or repainted the kitchen ceiling. My hallway vestibules still haven't been painted, even though it would probably take an hour to complete. My kitchen window sits unpainted, with forty different test colors ringing it. There a small hole in the baseboard of the bedroom that needs to be filled.

So this year I'm going to focus on the little things. I'm going to hang curtains. I'm going to look into toe boards (we have none in the house). I'm going to finally paint the kitchen door and the kitchen window and that spot above the door that never got painted for reasons I no longer remember.

And we have a couple of big things coming down the pike: we're going to replace the front picture window that is rotting and get the house painted. And I'm going to start landscaping the front yard, including another rain garden. I'm really excited.

Happy new year!

Why design matters

2011-12-30T21:41:00.000-08:00

"What we crave in this life is an outer beauty that reflects the
gorgeous world inside us. I am speaking about the house within us.
What if the house inside you became the house you lived in? What if
you envisioned that your life could be just the way you imagine it?
Then you are en route to enlightened destiny, because each of us has
huge control over our lives. We don't always realize this because we
are, to a degree, defined by so many outside forces. But at the same
time, we do have the power to create our own environment--and our
environment, in turn, shapes us.

One of the strongest ingredients in keeping you who are you are, your
physical environment also keeps you in full awareness of where you
are. If you can find your way to live in the house within you, then
you not only create an enormous, broad, and lovely offering to
yourself, but also to your "pack"--your family and friends. You will
inspire anyone who has not yet been able to make this connection. Such
is the power of rooms."

--From The House Within by Bobby McAlpine.

Lots of pretty words like this and his architecture is freaking amazing.

Craft projects for homeowners

2011-12-23T07:04:00.000-08:00

Do you own a house? Then you probably have a stash of wood scraps like this in your garage or your basement. I have a mountain of end pieces left over from when I put in the fences. Before they were just a fire hazard but now they are destined to be poorly executed crafts!

Have you seen this tutorial on Ready Made? You use gel medium to transfer a photo to a piece of wood. They are a little sparse on the details and you have to find the link to this video on YouTube that is buried in the comments.

Photo source: Ready Made

I found it a little tricky, so here's what worked for me. I did a couple of test runs using different photos, since I have a zillion pieces of wood in my garage. I went down to Kinko's because all the tutorials say that copies from an inkjet printer won't work; it has to be a laserjet image. I printed out copies of photos in both color and black and white onto standard printer paper.

You'll want your surface to be smooth. I used my hand sander to smooth the wood down, starting with 120 grit and moving up to 320 grit, except that first I started with 220 because I wasn't caffeinated. I couldn't get the deeper ridges out, despite an eternity of sanding. So yeah, go get a cup of coffee and start with the low-grit, dumbass. You could also do this with a sanding block. I didn't smooth the sides of all of the pieces because I'm an idiot. People don't like rough edges, so if you're giving these as a gift don't be so lazy.

Then you just paint on a thin coat of gel transfer using your brush (I used my trusty Purdy).

Then slap on the photos, and make sure there aren't any bubbles. I had some trouble with parts of images rubbing away and I initially thought that I hadn't painted on a thick enough layer of gel medium. Subsequent attempts were made with a thicker layer of gel medium, which looked terrible and didn't solve the problem. I think the key was curing time.

The Ready Made tutorial tells you to let it cure overnight but other places on the Internet say to wait 48-72 hours, and this really helps, though you will lose parts of your image. So just square your thinking away right now that this will look rustic.

Once it has cured you wet the paper on the wood block and start rubbing it away. Try to ignore how bad the grout on your kitchen counters looks.

You'll think you've gotten it all, only to let the block dry and find out that there's still so much paper left. If you don't remove it all your finished product will look like this, as if your friends' baby has sprouted white hair from her face. Not so good.

I thought I'd like black and white photos better but I definitely prefer using a color image. I used Instagram photos for that old-timey feel.

You could swear that you got all the paper last time but nope, you need to do more peeling.

Nope, you're not done. Keep peeling.

You can see that I'm losing small parts of the image. RUSTIC.

YOU HAVE GOT BE KIDDING ME.

Can you see what happens when you put down too much gel transfer?

So you're going to peeling a good long while. Toward the end I stopped soaking the entire image and instead put a drop of water on my finger and went after very small areas. This worked a lot better. I found that the longer I let the gel transfer cure, the easier the paper came up. Also? The harder the wood, the easier this part is. I had a scrap of 1 x 4 from Custom Cedar Products and the paper came up so much more easily than the pieces from Home Depot or Parr (whose boards are always flimsy in comparison).

Then let it dry completely and slap on a coat of Mod Podge.

Attach your hanger and call it good!

Now if I could do it all over again I would have stained a border around the images. I think that would have elevated the look of the project. There's probably a thousand different things you could do, especially if you were an art major and actually know how this stuff works. I'm going to keep playing with this idea, since I have eleventy million more pieces of cedar in the garage.

So, in summary:

Use the hardest board scraps you can find.
Start sanding with a low-grit sandpaper.
Use a thin layer of gel transfer and let it cure for 48-72 hours.
Be okay with the fact that it will take more than a few rounds to get the paper off, and you may lose bits of your image.

Also: keep in mind that your photo will be reversed when you transfer it, so if it features any kind of writing, you may want to reverse the image first in Photoshop so your project doesn't end up looking like this:

This was graffiti we found in Italy that looked so much like us our friends thought we painted it.

Yeah, pretty dumb.

In other life list news

2011-12-22T09:14:00.000-08:00

10. Successfully make a boule of bread (mine are always flat)

I think I'm going to cross "successfully baking a boule of bread" off the list. My new job allows me to work from home so I can do things like baking bread. Bread baking takes almost no effort but you have to periodically punch down dough in between rises. I throw the ingredients in the Kitchenaid mixer before I fire up my computer, then I punch down the dough while I'm making lunch. By the time I'm done with work the bread is ready to be thrown in the oven. I've been trying to make a loaf a week and I've been getting better and better at executing free-form loaves.

Behold:

This was a loaf of deli rye. This recipe is AWESOME.

And pumpernickel:

I've also attempted Jim Lahey's no-knead dough, which was incredible. Except for that time that I inexplicably effed it the hell up and the whole loaf was stuck in my pan. But that wasn't a boule!

Then I got on a roll and made pretzels and bread in loaf pans (I had no idea how these were rolled before this), and I've been making pasta from scratch, too. Basically, my house is a celiac's worst nightmare.

I guess I'm also trying to explain why I've gone up a pant size. It has nothing to do with Halloween candy or Thanksgiving or Christmas goodies. It is because of the 5 pound bags of flour that I go through so regularly. If you are bread challenged, as I was, I can't recommend Deb's recipes enough. She also has a write up of bread baking tips on Smitten Kitchen that are really helpful.

In my case what I needed to change was letting the dough proof longer, learning to properly slash the top and keeping a spray bottle of water to mist over the loaf during the first fifteen minutes of baking. Steam = a great crust and more expansion of your loaf. But I think really great recipes were really the key here. Learning to walk naturally in heels is going to be a LOT harder.

My SIL is a genius.

2011-12-20T22:04:00.000-08:00

The boy's sister, who I will never stop pressuring to start a blog because she does stuff like this in her sleep, made us a chalkboard hanger for Christmas.

It's reversible!

I can't believe I showed a picture with a detail of how crappy the kitchen door looks. That's how much I love this.

Holiday decorating

2011-12-09T16:28:00.000-08:00

I don't normally get into decorating for the holidays. By the time I realize I should do it, the holidays are over. But! This year I actually made something. Inspired by this blogger, I created a snowflake curtain for the kitchen window. I am putting "install the light fixture I bought two and half years ago above the sink" and "finish painting the window trim" at the top of my to-do list because they are really dragging down this scene.

The morning light shining through them makes me happy. Since this is over the kitchen sink, thus subject to steam, I hit them with spray starch and a warm iron, pressed between sheets of parchment. They are a little sturdier as a result.

And disco Jesus and his aluminum tree have made their triumphant return.

That's it, that's all I got. Laura's doing a much prettier things over on her blog. But this makes up for the fact that we don't have a wreath or a tree, right?

Worth every penny.

2011-12-05T09:56:00.000-08:00

Watching squirrels try to break into the new bird feeder is endlessly entertaining. They try so hard.

Oh hey, what's that?

Let's get a little closer . . .

I think I could reach if I just . . .

. . . streeeeeetttttttchhh . . . .

Damn it. Regroup!

We're also getting birds at the feeder, which is really exciting. In other unexpected birding news, dumping uncomposted leaves all over these beds has resulted in the birds foraging here like CRAZY. I've never seen so many feeding in the yard before. They have zero interest in my native plants; it turns out they just want store-bought birdseed and the bugs hiding under non-native tree leaves. Go figure.

I still can't identify any of them, either. Greg will ask, "What's that one?" and I'll reply, "A cute little brown one."

My room got shocked

2011-12-03T14:51:00.000-08:00

Have you heard about this product that eliminates mold, mildew, and odors? It's called Room Shocker or roomSHOCKER, depending on what part of their website you're visiting. Something similar was apparently used in houses that were flooded during Hurricane Katrina to eliminate mold. I read about it some time ago on Apartment Therapy, bought some on Amazon, then forgot about it.

Photo yanked from Apartment Therapy

I've been having really bad allergies ever since Greg moved in; I wake up in the morning, start sneezing, keep sneezing, and then sneeze some more. My friend Erin cheerfully informed me recently, "You probably have mold!" Then my parents came to visit and my father, whose super sense of smell I inherited, started sniffing around my basement. Does it always smell like mildew down here? Before Greg moved in, I always left the door to the basement shut. Ever since he moved in we leave it open. I don't know why we do that, but I'm thinking that maybe an allergen from down there is wafting into the rest of the house.

So yeah, I gave Room Shocker a shot. It's pretty easy to use. You open up what looks like a frappucchio container, read the instructions that are by turns breezy, then terrifying. "Room Shocker is all natural and cannot hurt you. Fill the container with warm water to the line indicated on the cup. DO NOT FILL WATER BEYOND THIS LINE. DO NOT TOUCH THE PACKET. LEAVE THE ROOM IMMEDIATELY. There's no need to leave the house, if you don't wish, as Room Shocker is completely harmless!"

I filled my cup, ran out of the basement, then left for work. But first I started second-guessing that I pushed the packet down far enough, so I went back into the basement to find a cup full of noxious yellow liquid that made my eyes burn. Whew, I did it right.

Seven hours later I returned home to find that you could smell the chlorine from outside the house. I can't imagine trying to stay inside the house all day. I decided to open some windows, leave again, and buy a bird feeder. I had a gift card from when I got my backyard habitat certification.

They were all sold out of the Squirrel Buster 3000

The Backyard Bird Shop is so. much. fun. They're so excited that you're getting your first bird feeder! They're so knowledgeable! My salesperson was A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E. I love that stores like this thrive in Portland.

So far my allergies aren't any better which means that it didn't work, or I don't have mold and I'm allergic to something else, or I'm allergic to Greg. So now is the time for all the worriers to come out of the woodwork and warn me that I have black mold and that I'm going to die. Or that chlorine causes cancer and I'm gonna die. Because I don't worry about that stuff enough as it is.

How was your Thanksgiving?

2011-11-28T10:00:00.000-08:00

Mine was lovely. We hosted and I brined my first turkey. It was just about perfect. We had centerpieces on the table made of rosemary, sage, and rose hips, as that's what's available in the yard right now.

I wanted to create a nightmare tablescape that would make Sandra Lee proud, but ultimately it wasn't grand enough. We needed more stuff. Pumpkins covered in glitter or flaming pinecones, something like that.

Photo by Bill

But I did incorporate Greg's squirrel. He stared at Ryan while he ate dinner.

Photo by Bill

Everyone was forced to eat a sprig of rosemary before they were served dinner.

I kid. Nobody ate rosemary. Photo by Bill.

Then Greg and I spent a gorgeous lazy Friday making turkey stock, taking a walk, and finishing this jigsaw puzzle.


Our friend's toddler stole the center piece, DRAT.

We finally got more mulch to cover the rain garden too. It looks kind of silly to me right now, as though it's gift-wrapped or something.

I hope you had a wonderful holiday!

Mighty life list: there will be nacho cheese

2011-11-27T21:10:00.000-08:00

Consider this Mighty Life List item done: unlimited fried shrimp at The Sizzler.

I didn't actually get the unlimited option because that comes with steak but no salad bar. And the salad bar at The Sizzler includes nacho cheese, so not getting it wasn't an option. Also in the salad bar: onion rings and chicken wings. It turns out I had more than enough fried shrimp.

Jess and I were joined by the post-church supper set, for the most part. For a while there we were the only guests in the restaurant under the age of 70. They ate baked potatoes and ranted audibly about Obama while I whispered, "I'm worried this will give me E. coli." But really The Sizzler was clean and cozy and I would totally be down with spending my twilight years that way. And guys, the service there is GREAT. If you've eaten out much in Portland then you know that our collective waitstaff are surly and slow and they often act as if they are doing you a great favor just by showing up. As someone who used to wait tables, this makes me crazy. So mega-points to The Sizzler for that. Your lettuce is iceberg and your fried shrimp are just okay but your staff get gold stars.

There's a taco bar! And a sundae bar! But no sprinkles, FOR SHAME, SIZZLER. I made Jess this silly pillow as a thank you for fulfilling my childhood dream.

Jess is the only person I know who likes this silly video as much as I do. This came out before the honeybadger video and I find it way funnier. What a great way to let everyone know how much you like tigers!

So thank you, Jess, for helping me fulfill a childhood dream. I had a blast. Next up: tap dancing lessons!

The rain garden in action

2011-11-22T09:53:00.000-08:00

Here's a quick video of the rain garden in action.The excitement, I can barely stand it.

The basin is maybe a third full. I'm not sure now if I'd want to direct more gutters here. We'll just have to see how it performs throughout the winter. Sometimes I remember that scene from the end of Poltergeist where Craig T. Nelson is running around the backyard and everything is flooding, including the half-dug swimming pool, and all the bodies start popping up. I don't want that to happen.

Like they never existed

2011-11-18T09:07:00.000-08:00

A dude came out this week with one of those fancy earth-moving machines that make me so nervous. He dug out the rhody stumps, including the one located over our water main. I was working from home that day, ironing out a presentation while the windows rattled and the floor vibrated. It wasn't stressful at all.

As the guy left he yelled, "Enjoy your clean slate!" It amazes me; in about an hour he was able to make it like the rhododendron and azalea never existed. I feel extra stupid for ever trying to remove a stump myself. He also ground out the rhododendron in the backyard, nicking the berm on my rain garden a little.

How funny is that perfect square of sod in the middle of the yard? I broadcast seed around that area, trying to soften the square, but our lawn is rejecting it. I'm just going to start telling people that it's a modern grass installation. "Eames totally did that in his yard."

Can you see the finish line?

2011-11-13T20:36:00.000-08:00

Greg and I hustled back from the coast this weekend to pick up plants from the last sale of the year from the Audubon Society. When you let hippies run things it can get a little confused. When I got there they didn't have all my plants because someone had miscounted and maybe people took too many plants? And then we had this conversation:

Me: I ordered five gallon-sized Juncus but there's only three here.
Him: Just take more of the pint-sized plants instead.
Me: But don't those plants belong to someone else?
Him:
Me: So it's just anarchy at this point?
Him: (smiles)

In their defense this was the biggest sale they've ever had, with over 4000 plants ordered. That's a LOT of natives to keep track of. I ordered a combination of soft rush (Juncus effusus) and tufted hair grass (Deschampsia cespitosa) and a few penstemon and stream violets to round things out. I also ordered kinnikinnick for the drier edges, which will hopefully cover the berm after a few years.

I hindsight I wish I had ordered a vine maple and incorporated some ferns but who am I kidding? I'm going to end up digging up and rearranging half of these anyway. It's what gardeners do, even gardeners who really know what they're doing. Greg raked up the leaves from the dogwood in the front yard and I deposited them into the beds around the yard as mulch. I don't have compost bins built yet but I couldn't bear to give up my leaves to the city compost. They'll just have to compost in place and I'll have to deal with the fact that I'm now a hoarder of leaves, in addition to everything else.

I ran out of fine bark mulch for the rain garden but once I get that covering everything this baby will be DONE. And then I've promised Greg I'm done with garden projects until next spring.

And I think I actually mean it.

Our little box is a naked box.

2011-11-07T18:00:00.000-08:00

Today the tree trimmers came to prune up the dogwood in front and the cedar in back. I think I've established that I don't know what I'm doing when I prune, so I hired out. While they were here they took away the rhodies and the azalea.

Before


Ta-da!

Before

Oh shit.

I had a moment of panic when I saw the cedar (so naked! where are her petticoats!?) but I'm getting used to it now. The plants underneath are all shade-loving plants but I think they'll be okay. They'll get a little more water this winter and the fence should get a little more sun, which means it might not rot as quickly.

The guy pruned up the andromeda (Pieris japonica, just to the right of the bamboo) after I told him I wanted to rip it out. He basically told me that I was crazy and that it just needed to be prettified. And I think maybe that silly hippy was right.

I guess we should get rid of that huge dirt pile (which I call "the neighborhood cat toilet") that formed while I was digging the rain garden. Next week the guys come to grind out the stumps and I will officially have a clean slate out front. Hooray!

And then we built a swimming pool

2011-11-06T22:46:00.000-08:00

So I decided to rain garden. And I have to apologize to my friend Sue because I missed meeting her sister and drinking martinis to dig this stupid thing.

I followed the recommendations for sizing my rain garden, which is 10% of the area of roof feeding it. Roughly 500 square feet of roof dumps water into the rain barrel, so my rain garden needed to be about 50 square feet. That's freaking HUGE but I'd rather have too large a rain garden than overflowing water heading toward my house.

So I removed all the sod from the area.

And then I started digging.

And then I got tired and the ground was sort of hard so I decided to leave it for a week so the rain could percolate down.

This didn't help. The ground didn't really soften all that much and yet my yard was now extraordinarily muddy. Then I discovered that the hose that is supposed to drain my rain barrel during the winter wasn't doing that, so instead my rain barrel was dripping water out of the overflow in the side, which meant water was dumping next to the house. I honestly wish I had never put in this stupid rain barrel. It seemed like a good idea at the time but I can't get enough water pressure out of it to actually water anything (I think it needs to be elevated) and I didn't have an overflow system in place, so it's a worthless hunk of wood that dumps water next to my house. Me and rain barrel are totally in a fight.

So I took it out. We will figure out a way to use it somewhere else but we're going to figure out a way to make the overflow work to our advantage. And it's going to be elevated, damn it. But first I had to drain it, so I let it drain into the hole I had going so far. That softened everything up really nicely but I have NEVER been so muddy before.

Once I got the rain barrel moved out from behind the garage I had to hook up this stupid looking contraption because it was raining and the gutter was now hooked up to nothing. No time like the present to test the rain garden.

Then I had to rush and get prettified to go to a work party so I had to finish up the next day. Luckily the rain had stopped and it was freaking beautiful out. More of that, Portland! PLEASE. Greg installed a proper gutter and I rolled the rain barrel off to a corner so it could think about what it did.

We pick up the plants from the Audubon Society next Sunday. I ordered way too many plants or not nearly enough, I can't decide which. It really feels like this rain garden is going to be way too big. If that's the case we're going to re-route some other gutters to here, so they aren't dumping in stupid places (like the walkway next to trashcans WHY, GUTTER INSTALLERS?).

I have to tip my hat to those guys who bury bodies in the woods in the movies, using a solitary shovel by the headlights of an Edsel. That's hard work. I'm super pooped and sore everywhere.

Working around an oil tank

2011-11-04T08:06:00.000-07:00

We presumably have an oil tank buried alongside our driveway. I say presumably because this is there.

It is located in the place where I'd most like to have an herb garden, as it's right across from the kitchen. Sadly, oil tanks tend to leak and deposit toxic substances, so planting edibles there doesn't seem like the best idea. My herbs currently live in the backyard in the raised beds. Every time I need rosemary for our potatoes or sage for our squash I have to trudge out in the dark backyard and get it. It's as far from the kitchen as you can get.

Guys, I'm a little embarrassed to say that it took me two years to figure out that I could throw a planter here, plant it with herbs, and have my kitchen garden close at hand. No oil residue required!

I think it softens the entrance a little, which I like a lot. A Korean lilac will flank it in the foreground and then I'm thinking of a sweet low evergreen groundcover. And then maybe a Marjorie clematis to climb the fence, since the hops have a hard time with it. And then the jasmine will climb that trellis and soften the left side. And then . . . and then . . . and then . . .

Guess which Simon & Garfunkel song is stuck in my head?

Side note: do you have any idea how hard it is to find a wine barrel planter in November? I finally found this one at Bamboo Craftsman, where they only had two left. The guy even rolled it out to the truck for me. I probably should have bought the other one too; I'll want it eventually.

Home Depot does me a solid.

2011-11-03T16:37:00.000-07:00

Cracked sink wants to hug you.

Remember when I listened to the Internet and poured very hot water down my bathroom sink and cracked it? I called two sink refinishers in town and asked about repairing the crack and refinishing the sink. They both told me that the cracking would only continue to get worse and that repairing it "wasn't worth it."

I visited Home Depot yesterday to ask for their help in locating a replacement sink. I bought the sink as a combination; it included the vanity, the sink, and the mirror. A very nice guy called and found out that it's a Home Depot brand, which means they manufacture it. And my only option is to buy the whole kit again. The kit is $399.00.

I emailed Frank Black, the CEO of Home Depot (contact info here), and Craig Menear, their VP of Merchandising and told them how frustrated I was that I can't purchase a replacement sink. I asked for help in locating a sink, since they manufacture it and all. I got a phone call within five minutes from Greg Stanford who told me they were shipping me a new combination.

I'm still shocked that they can't hunt down a sink for me, as I don't need a new vanity or mirror, but I'm very happy with the customer service. I have always gone to Home Depot over Lowe's (which is closer to my house) because their customer service is better and their return policy is fantastic. I think their associates are totally hit-or-miss. I've had some amazing bend-over-backwards help in the lighting and electrical departments . . . and then there was Gary in equipment who suggested I use a pressure-washer on my kitchen floor. To remove thinset. And then he was a dick about it.

Man, I am still mad at Gary.

But I love you again, Home Depot. Thanks for doing me a solid, even though I'm not excited about putting together another sink.

Things I learned while I was planting 160 tulip bulbs last night

2011-11-02T17:57:00.000-07:00

An hour and a half before sundown is not an early enough start time, especially when we're still in huge-ass-spiders-in-the-garden season. Digging in the near-dark is scary.What was that? Did I just walk through a web? Do I feel something on my neck?
Laying them out first, based on color and height is a better approach than what I did last year, where I dug as I went and ended up with clumps of colors and bald spots galore.
I tried to sprinkle the bulbs like Jacqueline van der Kloet recommends (so everything looks more natural) but I suspect the whole thing will look kind of stiff anyway.

You have to wear gloves when you plant hyacinths because they will irritate your skin. Thanks for the heads up, Brett and Becky's!
It doesn't matter how perfect I think my angle is, I will end up tossing the bulb in top-down or on its side.
Somehow I didn't run into any of the 75 bulbs I planted last year, which is impossible, right? I must have bulb-stealing critters.
Being really hungry while you plant does not make things go faster.
Elizabeth over at Garden Rant says that the process of planting the bulbs is the best part--I'm not so sure I agree. I *do* love the anticipation of waiting for them to come up. It's exciting when they start to emerge from the ground and again when they actually open. I wanted to be more zen about the whole process but the sun was sinking so fast.
Man, doing anything 160 times right in a row is boring.
Goddamn it, I didn't order any crocuses. Again. Someone remind me next year?
I'm going to have to spend some time getting to know this new camera--the colors and white balance in my photos are all off.

I finally bought Rosalie bulbs in honor of my grandma on my mom's side; now I'd like to find a Marjorie flower for my dad's mom. It looks like there's a variety of clematis (C. montana var. rubens 'Marjorie') that might fit the bill. It's pretty and pink and I'm obsessed with incorporating vines into my garden right now, so everyone wins!

In addition to getting the bulbs in the ground I also replaced (FOR THE THIRD TIME) the birdbath top. You'd think I'd get smart and glue it to the top, but it was cold and I didn't feel like it. I went for a red one this time.

I'm totally tempting fate to knock it over again, aren't I?

Just one more plant sale and then I'll stop

2011-10-29T09:06:00.000-07:00

This area under the hose in the backyard tends to stay sort of damp from the dripping of the hose. This summer that worked in my favor because a bunch of baby ferns popped up.

If ever you ask yourself, "Do I have enough ferns in my yard?" the answer is always NO.

I threw them in the side yard where I have a lot of lady ferns. I love lady ferns but come July they tend to look like this, especially when your neighbor aggressively trims back her trees along the fence line so your side yard is no longer in shade.

Not so lady-like.

They also disappear in the winter, so I want to work more evergreen ferns into this area. I was looking at this list of evergreen ferns for the Pacific NW and I read about the Mexican male fern, which can reach five feet! Do I need a five foot fern in my side yard? Um, YES.

Image source: Plant Lust

Alternately I could get a giant chain fern (Woodwardia fimbriata) which is native and gets just as big, but it needs soil that never dries out, so it might fare better in the rain garden in back. I transplanted all of the little ferns from under the hose and gave them a good soaking. I tried to move them in large chunks of two or three ferns, even if they were really close together. I love the way ferns look in the wild, all piled on top of each other. Hopefully it will make this area look less manufactured.

I should have placed a quarter for reference

I figure by the time these get big enough to be seen without a microscope, the sarcocca I planted should also be big enough to remove some of the lady ferns in this area. In the meantime I put in a tassel fern and an autumn fern. And my most recent Columbia Land Trust plants arrived!

I ordered a native, Ceanothus thyrsiflorus, or blueblossom to replace this sad looking mock orange.

It's evergreen, a fast grower, and it's loved by pollinators. And come April it should be loaded with blue flowers. Supposedly they don't live much longer than 15 years unless you deprive them of water after the first couple of summers. I can give that a shot.

I'd show you a picture but the ceanothus is so small it really doesn't show up. I really do hope it's as fast growing as they say.

I planted more Oregon iris (Iris tenax) in front of the crocosmia. I'm hoping this area will fill in with them and then I can get rid of the iron wheelbarrow that I'm officially over. It's too precious, though I am going to give it a shot somewhere else, with sedums.

We also weeded and mulched the roses out front. This summer, during the height of my neighbor thinking I wanted her Doug fir removed, her landscaper said he could clean out under the roses and mulch and it would make my neighbor happier, so I said yes (whatever she wants!). His guys cut away more of the lawn in some freakshow pattern and, oops!, ran out out of mulch. So it filled it with weeds. Please tell me, in what universe does this kind of curvature look good?

Whither the parabola?

It's like they let a kid with ADHD loose with a sod cutter. Good thing I have a plan for this area and it doesn't involve grass (it does involve a Korean lilac!). I'm also trying to convince Greg that we can fit a Japanese maple here. IT'LL FIT, shut up.

To rain garden or not to rain garden

2011-10-28T13:00:00.000-07:00

I've been waffling on big garden projects, excited to get going but unsure if I have the free weekends to put in the work. If I rush home from work I have about an hour and a half where I can work on things before the sun goes down. That will get cut down to 30 minutes once Daylight Savings hits. That's if it's not pouring rain. My big project contemplation right now is the rain garden. I want to put one in front and one in back.

For anybody not familiar with rain gardens, this is how they work: instead of having your rain gutters empty into the storm drain you treat your storm water on your property. Water from your storm drain ultimately gets dumped into the river, where it's warmer than normal (which means it has less oxygen) and it's full of pollutants. All the critters in the river get stressed because they can't breathe and they're dealing with oil and chemicals that come off of our streets and roofs.

When you treat water on your property it gets slowly filtered into the ground water supply, the pollutants are reduced, and the rivers don't get inundated by water from all of our impervious surfaces (roofs, driveways, streets, patio slabs, etc).So you dig a pit where water can collect, plant it with native species, and mulch the hell out of it. Did you know that microbial activity in mulch helps break down some of the common pollutants in stormwater? TAKE THIS INFORMATION AND GO BE INSUFFERABLE AT DINNER PARTIES. Then you divert your gutters to drain into this instead of your storm drain.

Before you start planning your garden you need to do a percolation test, to see if your soil drains quickly enough to withstand one.

So you dig a hole. I thought I heard somewhere that it should be 12x12x12, so that's what I dug. It turns out I can't find any documentation saying that 12x12x12 is the way to go. So maybe I dug a larger hole than necessary? Ideally you're supposed to do your perc test in the spring when the ground is really water logged, but I can't be counted on to follow directions, obviously.

Then you fill your hole and let it drain completely. Then you fill it a second time and let it drain. Then you fill it a third time and set your timer for an hour. At that time you look at how inches of water drained and *that's* a pretty good indicator of your drainage. Anything over 2 inches per hour is good.

Mine drained 8 inches in an hour. After two hours all but the smallest puddle was gone.

So now I'm worried that my property is *too* well draining and that I'm actually living atop a giant sandpit that will collapse once I install my rain garden. Worrying is what I do and, damn it, I'm good at it.

If your property won't accommodate a rain garden, don't worry, you can still be insufferable at dinner parties! You can plant a tree instead. They are super good at sucking up water on your property. True story.

Has anyone built one of these before? Should I wait until spring? Would you like to help me dig? (I'll bake bread and cookies!)

Or would you like to help me plant the 150 bulbs I ordered? I swear I don't remember ordering half of these which is why you should never, ever drink wine when there are plant catalogs in the house.

Adult problems

2011-10-21T12:31:00.000-07:00

At the risk of airing our dirty laundry, we're having a hard time right now. It's been difficult for Greg to feel ownership in the house. He doesn't feel like the house is ours, mostly because it's mine. He misses living in walking distance from a coffee shop and his bus commute is not ideal. He'd rather live in a house that he helped pick out. And I totally get it. If the tables were turned I'd be in revolt and he'd be putting the house on the market. I've been a house dictator and he's been a total champ about it.

I have always said I wouldn't sell my house unless I got married. And I probably wouldn't sell it even then. This is my nest egg, something I was barely able to do on my own (and my parents helped me so I really didn't do it on my own). I've seen so many women get screwed over in divorces/breakups, downgraded to apartment living and a dramatically reduced income because their earning power (which is still only 78% of a man's to begin with) diminished while they were raising children. I don't ever want that for myself.

When I bought my house I was in a job I hated. After going to grad school for three years for what I thought was my dream career, I found myself in a job that I took no enjoyment from. I felt like I completely lost my personality in the two years that followed. I was very, very down. And then I bought this house and I feel like I got my mojo back. All of the sudden I had the creative outlet that I was missing at work. And solving my own problems in the house (like a clogged pipe or a broken bathroom sink) made me feel capable. Every time I was able to do something on my own I felt less adrift and more empowered. And I started writing again, in the form of this blog, and I found this fantastic network of supportive people. (And after four terrible years I finally got a new job!)

I don't do well in shades of gray when it comes to property. I won't sell my house or put someone else on the title unless we have a binding contract, like marriage. But I'm not ready to get married anytime soon and Greg isn't sure he ever wants to get married. So we're left in this weird space where he doesn't want to drop money into a space that isn't his, and I don't want to sell (let's not even go into the fact that the economy tanked and I'd probably lose money selling the house), and HOLY SHIT how do same-sex couples deal with this bullshit when they can't legally marry?

When I suggest painting a room together or rearranging furniture or something he's only interested in painting the basement black, which . . . dude. No. Just . . . no. See? House dictator.

I'm happy to limp along and worry about this stuff later but it rears its head frequently when you live in a fixer. The house needs to be painted and the floors need to be refinished. Should he pay for half or should I pay for all of it (which means it won't happen any time soon)? Should he get input on new curtains if he's not paying for them and he doesn't really care? I try to tell myself that this is all just stuff, that a fire could wipe out my house and then wouldn't I realize that relationships are more important than the box you live in? But this box is all wrapped up in my financial future and my sense of worth. So, yeah. Does anybody have any insight? Am I being stubborn or selfish? I find myself thinking how much easier this would be if we were poor and in our twenties. But we're grown-ass adults, with investments and life paths that we started without each other. The whole house feels like a wagonwheel coffee table right now.

The upside to all this moping I've been doing? I bought myself that climbing hydrangea 'Moonlight' to make myself feel better. Would I have bought it anyway? Probably. Shut up.

I love this

2011-10-20T12:12:00.001-07:00

"The Zen master speaks of chopping wood, carrying water. The gardener will know what it is to really be in the moment when she does her most rote, insistent chores. Knowing that, I garden this way: I practice a blend of horticultural how-to and woo-woo, and the view both outside and inward and far better for the fact. I practiced increasing horticultural excess, yes, those back and forth weekender years, but I also practiced communion and some moments of peace. In short: My garden saved me."

--from And I shall Have Some Peace There by Margaret Roach

I love this woman even if she can tend a bit toward hyperbole. Heaven knows, I do too.

Where do you hide your trashcans?

2011-10-15T15:03:00.000-07:00

We currently keep our trashcan and recycling bins next to the garage, where all the ferns and shade lovers live. It makes the most sense, since it's nearest to the kitchen. Oh, but it looks really bad.

There was already a random fence post at the entrance to the side yard, so I slapped on a trellis and planted an evergreen jasmine to climb it. LeAnn assured me that it will take over and cover the trellis in no time.

Though I don't know why I'd want to cover up such craftsmanship.

Why would I use a smaller piece of 2x4 when I could choose one that can be seen from space?

What's the latest and greatest way to conceal trashcans? Is anybody doing anything creative to accomplish this? Even if this manages to hide them from the street, this is the only entrance to the garden and we have to walk past them to get into the yard. Maybe I should just paint some ferns on them? There's no way that would look bad.

Garden Claus, I've been so good this year

2011-10-14T08:47:00.000-07:00

I want these plants so badly. I would need a bigger yard but I still want them.

Flowering quince (Chaenomeles japonica 'Atsuya Hamada'). I ache for this one.

Photo by Sean Hogan, grabbed from Plant Lust

Witch hazel. Any of them. This Hamamelis x intermedia "Feurezauber' would do the trick.

Photo from Dancing Oaks Nursery

This 'Moonlight' hydrangea vine

Photo from Great Plant Picks

A dwarf Korean lilac (Syringa pubescens ssp patula 'Miss Kim')

Photo from: Great Plant Picks

A Korean fir. I saw this at Portland Nursery and I wanted to buy it. Sadly, it will take 20 or more years to get to size.


Abies koreana 'Hortsmann's Silberlocke'

Silk tassel bush (Garrya elliptica 'James Roof'). This is a Northwest native that I never hear about. It's evergreen and look at those flowers!

Photo from Dancing Oaks Nursery

This Japanese Maple (Acer palmatum 'Mikawa Yatsubusa')

Photo from Plant Lust

When does gardening Santa Claus come? December? He waits until the crocuses appear, right?

The freakshow bulb keeps giving

2011-10-13T08:40:00.000-07:00

I loved this freakshow bulb in health.

Allium schubertii

And I love it in death, too.

Greg doesn't seem to care for it but I'm going to keep loving it until terrifying bugs hatch out of it.

What's the etiquette on this?

2011-10-12T13:01:00.000-07:00

Is it ever okay to knock on the door of a house you found on a walk to
ask them if you can take pictures of their yard and pump them for
information on what plants they used?

This yard was lovely, with dense plantings separated by a large swath of lawn that made it look deceptively simple and uncluttered.

I think it's the perfect combination of mass platings that I love and the clean, uncluttered look that Greg prefers in a front yard. What are the chances they designed it themselves?

Garden oopses

2011-10-11T08:33:00.000-07:00

Some of the garden bloggers out there talk about GOOPs. No, not the newsletters from a delusional celebrity suggesting you purchase a $2600 purse for "your summer leisure time." These are gardening oopses. I had a couple of noteworthy ones this summer.

First, I planted this cucumber in the corner of the bed, hoping it would, I don't know, grow obediently along the ground or something? Levitate in the air?

Instead the cucumber sprawled like an insolent drunk, belligerently growing wherever it wanted. Into the pathway . . .

. . . onto the tomato cages . . .

. . . through the herbs, trampling the chard . . .

. . . and clinging to the retaining wall.

And then it got powdery mildew and died but the tendrils stayed strong, making it almost impossible to remove them until the tomato cages came out this weekend. Also, we had to wire the tomato cages together because I planted them too closely together and the plants got too big and started to fall over. Cleaning that all up was super fun.

Remember when I planted fennel in a victory barrel so it would do something like this?

Yeah, fennel likes sun, so when I planted it on the north side of my garage, which lies in shade all day, it grew sideways.

That's just sad. Weeds took over this summer and the old lady annuals died and it looked awful. But I left it alone to feed the pollinators, not because I was lazy!

Also dead? A flowering currant that I moved 600 times, relegated to a pot, then forgot to water.

I'm going to give this bamboo a try instead. It should top out at eight feet and it doesn't mind shade.

And then I shall never make a gardening mistake again! [Cue the Internet to inform me that bamboo kills children and pollinators.]

Putting the garden to bed for the winter

2011-10-10T08:30:00.000-07:00

I told myself that I would go easy while I was cleaning up the garden, so I could leave shelter and food for the birds, but I started weeding and pruning and pretty soon things were looking kind of bare.

I've spent the last couple of weekends slinging compost, dressing all the beds in the hope of improving the soil. I had a yard and half delivered; at first I thought it was too much, now I'm thinking it wasn't enough. We were going to broadcast it on the lawn, put it in the raised beds, and apply it under the rhodies, even though we don't want to encourage them. I'm hoping this application won't interfere too much with self-sowing perennials like forget-me-not. I planted some this year, after falling in love with them on a garden tour. When I pulled them out of the ground I made sure to give them a good shake to disperse the seeds. Hopefully I didn't apply the compost too heavily to let them come back.

After appearing in new places, failing to bloom, and hiding my beautiful rust-colored ninebark behind six-foot shoots, I decided to dig out the nootka roses.

It turns out they had never bloomed because they were so busy trying to take over the world. There were canes running underground EVERYWHERE. I dug out every one that I found but I suspect that I haven't seen the last of them. It pains me to remove something native but this isn't 'Nam; there are rules. I wanted to put something evergreen here but ultimately I went with a spirea 'Magic Carpet.'

I've always loved this plant but it pops up in places like the Fred Meyer parking lot and I was stupidly worried that more experienced gardeners would look down on me for planting something that has been used so widely. It turns out it doesn't matter, people plant it because it's beautiful and takes full sun like a champ. I think the chartreuse foliage on this one is going to look great against that dark red of the ninebark. In spring the peonies (on the right) have very dark green leaves and I think it's all going to play nicely off of each other. Ultimately I think I'll remove the peonies to a pot and plant something non-deciduous with very dark green foliage. Anybody have any ideas?

This is the first time my creeping snowberry has fruited and I'm in love. In July it bloomed with tiny hot pink flowers and now the branch is so weighted down with white berries it looks like it could snap.Congrats, snowberry! You get to stay.

Creeping snowberry (Symphoricarpos mollis)

I bought my flowering currants from different nurseries, paying more for two that were supposedly var. King Edward VII. I didn't actually believe they were a different variety until they fruited. This one was trained poorly as a tree, thus it has a terrible shape, and yet it blooms better than any of the other currants and now it's loaded with black fruit.

Ribes sanguineum 'King Edward VII'

I was going to remove it but how can I remove something that is so loaded with bird food? I'm not confident in my pruning abilities to bring this back into my good graces. I might just go for it and prune it down to the ground after it blooms next spring.

In comparison, this currant (presumably not King Edward VII), the first I planted in the yard as a wee seedling, has light blue fruit, a fantastic shape, and a reluctance to bloom. I'm hoping that was its youth showing and that it'll perform better next year. Learn from the nootka rose, currant! Gimme flowers or I'll cut you.

But the really exciting news this weekend is that we finally bought a specimen tree for the back corner! I went to Portland Nursery and spoke to several bearded men about what to plant. We finally settled on a Japanese Cedar, Cryptomeria japonica 'elegans'. It looks great in a garden with bamboo and it will top out at about 30 feet.

My little guy. Grow, baby, grow!

An older Cryptomeria. Photo by phildert.

It's going to turn this color in the winter.

Picture source: nestmaker on Flickr

So picture this burgundy foliage backed by the purple fruit of beautyberry that is planted behind it:

Callicarpa bodinieri 'Profusion'

. . . and then flanked in front with a honeysuckle on the right . . .

Lonicera nitida 'Baggesen's Gold'

. . . and a Mexican Orange on the left.

Choisya ternata 'Sundance'

And then this little baby is in front. It's Corokia cotoneaster, a bonsai variety of wire-netting plant.

How freaking cool is this plant?

All three of these plants are evergreen, which means when we open the bedroom curtains in the winter, instead of seeing this:

We'll see something closer to this:

Minus the hose and yard debris bin.

I can't wait for everything to grow bigger and to intersperse these plantings with perennials, tulips, and lillies. I couldn't stop smiling all weekend--I'm so excited to finally have this area edited and on its way to being awesome.

While I was working this weekend, planting the Japanese cedar, I learned a couple of things:

1. This soil in this back corner is almost completely made of sand. It explains why my blueberries didn't do well here and why it smells like the beach when it rains. I think they must have dumped the extra sand here when they put in the patio slab that we removed. Or maybe a previous owner had a sandbox here? I worked wheelbarrow after wheelbarrow of compost here and the soil makeup still looked really sandy.

2. I will never ever stop finding buried concrete. My yard is apparently made of it.

Happy fall, y'all!

Europe pictures!

2011-10-03T07:46:00.000-07:00

Again, this has nothing to do with the house but everyone likes looking at other people's vacation pictures, right? When we were traipsing around Amsterdam I asked Greg, "Remember how you used to pull out the slide projector, invite friends over for dinner, then force them to look at a thousand pictures of your vacation?" and he was like, "What? No, my family wasn't weird."

So let's just pretend I crawled back into the scary closet under the stairs in my parents' house (spiders, OHMYGODSPIDERS) and retrieved that screen that weighed a thousand pounds . . . . and all of these photos are Greg's since my camera took a dump.

Dam Square.

Amsterdam is the Venice of the north! It's very romantic and civilized and there are 650,000 bikes that can go anywhere, making it hazardous to walk if you don't pay attention. Almost everyone speaks English and they are nice about the fact that you can't pronounce anything correctly. And they give you little cookies with your coffee. Free cookies, EFF YEAH, NETHERLANDS! We had spectacular fall weather and I don't think I could love Amsterdam any more. And they have a floating flower market where they tempt you with tulips. I didn't buy any because I had ordered 150 bulbs back in August. And while the bulbs there were cheaper, they didn't have anything you couldn't get online.

They have a lovely botanical garden and they give you zinnia seeds with your admission. They have a greenhouse dedicated to pokey plants that I wanted SO BADLY.

And another greenhouse for terrifying butterflies from hell. When one butterfly floats through my yard I love it. When multiple gigantic butterflies try to land on me? You might as well let a taratula walk across my face. It totally freaked me out.

Giant rhubarb!

Water lillies OH MY GOD.

Each lilypad can hold 40kg, which is like 60 MPH in the US.

My impression of sunflowers.

Then we took a flight to Torino where we discovered that travel days make me so cranky I'm almost evil. Getting to Cinque Terre required us taking a train from the airport to the heart of town where we took a city bus to a different train station where we had to take three more trains to get to Cinque Terre. It was very hot, and I am a doughy American used to being chilled while traveling, so the lack of air conditioning on some of the trains made me irritable (WHY was I wearing jeans?). Greg was trying to do things like put his arm around me and I basically told him, "Touch me again and I will punch you in the throat." It was not my finest hour.

But then we got there and it looks like this!

Overlooking Manarola

We stayed in Riomaggiore; if I had to do it all over again I would have stayed in Vernazza. The youth hostel is in Riomaggiore, which means lots of 18 year olds more interested in drinking than attempting to speak the language or enjoy what's around them. It made me crazy. Being Type-A in Europe is totally counter-productive, just FYI.

Regardless of where you stay it's very cute and there's not a lot to do except hike around and eat gelato and drink wine and watch the water. One day we walked from Riomaggiore to Manarola along the Via dell Amore. Sayeth Rick Steves:

"[It] became established as a lovers’ meeting point for boys and girls from the two towns. (After one extended closure in 1949, the trail was reopened for a Christmas marriage.) A journalist, who noticed all the amorous graffiti along the path, coined the trail’s now-established name, Via dell’Amore: “Pathway of Love.”

Closing a padlock with your lover onto a cable or railing at a lovey-dovey spot—often a bridge—is the current craze in Italy, having been re-popularized by a teen novel."

I love teen novels and I love locks so I convinced Greg to do it. He even threw the keys in the ocean. Now he's stuck with me! Sucker.

Fun fact: If you stupidly post this photo on Facebook with the caption "We're official" everyone thinks you're engaged and/or pregnant. AS IF I WOULDN'T CHANGE MY RELATIONSHIP STATUS TO ENGAGED AND/OR PREGNANT. Come ON.

Italians will graffiti anything.

Six foot agaves!

We had dinner at the top of a cliff in Vernazza, in a restaurant that slopes noticeably toward the Meditteranean. They opened the clear plastic walls and you could see France going to sleep for the night. We ate risotto di frutta di mare and the owner made us drink limoncello (which they call limoncino in that part of Italy) before leaving.

That tiny hunk of land in the far distance? It's France.

After two days in Cinque Terre we hopped back on the train and stopped off at Pisa. Again, I was very cranky. We got a little turned around and being lost makes very irritable, apparently. I think Greg started thinking about going on a diving expedition for those keys.

Exactly as advertised, it leans.

A few trains later and we were in Florence! Florence feels like New York City after Cinque Terre. It's a little overwhelming coming out of the train station. There are people EVERYWHERE. There is sculpture everywhere, there are beautiful vistas everywhere. It's a gorgeous city.

Fresco depicting the end of time in the Duomo.

3-D Medici floors in the Duomo.

We hit the Uffizi and saw nine million Renaissance depictions of Jesus and Mary. We climbed the Duomo, which was spectacular. I want to live there--they let atheists do that, right? We saw David at the Accademia, which was spectacular. We ate ravioli in walnut sauce that knocked my socks off at Trattoria Nella. There was this huge extended commotion going on outside all through dinner. One man had urinated in the street and the other man didn't like him defacing the city like that so he called the cops. There were heated conversations and shoving and the whole thing was like a giant stereotype about Italian passion. Then we stumbled out of the trattoria and there was a Charlie Chaplin-esque street performer doing a long routine to music. Florence felt like being in The Truman Show, the Italian version. Amazing buskers play while you wander cobblestone streets that are older than your country. It's unreal.

One last thing: I will never travel again without my American Apparel circle scarf. I read about it on Mighty Girl and it was fantastic. It made covering my shoulders in churches a snap and it did all these things while being small enough to fit in my tiny bag.

Wrap thing

Hands-free, shoulder covered administering of first aid in the Duomo because I also carried bandaids.

Demonstrating how I could sleep in a rain storm without getting my hair wet.

The normal scarf function catches your tiny cookie crumbs!

I want to go back to there.

If you're wondering what a cenote is . . .

2011-09-27T11:14:00.000-07:00

They are huge sinkholes that form when the ceiling of limestone caves collapse, exposing underground water. They are like the inverse of Karst topography, which is also on the list. This is one we visited near Chichen Itza in the Yucatan Peninsula:

They can be hundreds of feet deep and they tell you to wear a life vest because they will make no attempt to rescue you. Don't you want to swim in one, too?

This has almost nothing to do with the house

2011-09-26T09:18:00.000-07:00

Feel free to skip reading this one.

Much of my life has been spent being cautious. I'm a worrier, I'm clumsy, I'm broke, I'm afraid to fly, I always have a lot of reasons for not doing stuff. I've had people tell me I'm boring (which is so rude! and not true!). At some point about five years ago I decided to stop being afraid of stupid stuff. It's okay to be afraid of flying because that shit can actually kill you. But being afraid of karaoke? Unless there's a freak gasoline fight accident at the karaoke bar, you're not going to die. So I finally sang at karaoke and, indeed, I didn't die. Not even of embarrassment! I did other stuff like eating dinner at a restaurant by myself and buying a house. I may be boring but it takes guts to buy a fixer. I've established that here, right?

Then last fall the boy took me to Hawaii with his parents and I flew over the ocean, something I was really nervous about. At the time I joked that if he took me to the all-you-can-eat fried shrimp buffet at The Sizzler, he would have officially fulfilled all of my childhood dreams. But I lied. I'd also need tap dancing lessons. Hawaii, fried shrimp, and tap dancing. This little girl dreamed big.

Maggie over at Mighty Girl created a Mighty List of 100 things to do before she dies, which is a familiar riff on the bucket list. Lots of people make lists (you should in particular check out Jess' 30-while-she's-30 and Amy's life list) but Maggie's is fun to follow because she has corporate sponsorship so she goes amazing places and tells you what she wore.

I started thinking about what would be on my list and looking at other people's lists. It's fun because I've already done some of the stuff that other people want to do. I've done a night swim with manta rays (terrifying and awesome). I've run a 5K and learned sign language. I've grown my own vegetables and made my own limoncello and held adult dinner parties. I've rewired a lamp, seen the Northern Lights, bought a house, and taken hip hop classes. Reading these lists makes me feel way better about my life, which has made me pretty happy so far but still seems boring to other people. I'm not a thrill seeker, so sky diving or bungee jumping won't make my list, though I highly recommend going ziplining to anyone who hasn't tried it. I had to consciously avoid putting things on the list that I thought I *should* do, like hang gliding. That doesn't mean I won't do it at some point, but I don't need to do it before I die to feel content. Also, I love having toenails so running a marathon will never make this list. And why would I run when I can take Zumba classes?

A lot of this is aspirational stuff I've always dreamed about (Italy, manatees) and other stuff is more banal but somehow it hasn't happened yet.

So here's my Mighty List, in no particular order and still in progress:

~~Go to Hawaii~~ (done 10/10!)
Unlimited fried shrimp at The Sizzler
Take tap dancing lessons
Spend an entire day making bolognese and homemade pasta, drinking wine, and watching The Godfather 1&2 with friends (I did something similar once and it was awesome).
~~Go to Italy~~ (just done 09/11! ohmygod!)
Visit New York City
Refinish the floors in the house
Road trip of the States
Learn how to can food
Successfully make a boule of bread (mine are always flat)
Bike to a picnic in the park
Vacation on Isla Mujeres
Learn to walk naturally in heels
See Glacier National Park before all the glaciers melt
Learn to salsa dance confidently
Make a pie for someone else, which means not eating a single bite myself
Vacation with my mom
Pay off my credit card debt
Roast my own coffee beans
Learn to crochet
See the manatees in Florida (sea cows, how I love you!)
Learn to type without looking
Take piano lessons
See Machu Picchu
Set foot in seven continents
Croissants in Paris. Remember it fondly afterward with some International Coffee.
Kayak a major body of water
Complete the 3 day Susan G. Koman Race for the Cure
See the Grand Canyon
Get a role in a musical
Attend a seder
Catch a fish
Attend a Dia de los Muertos celebration in Mexico
See the Karst topography in China

Photo yanked from here

Swim in a cenote
Go backpacking again
Take one of my nieces or nephews on an awesome trip
Make my own mozzarella cheese
Have a dinner party and not feel disappointed about how some of the food came out.
Happy hour oysters at Cafe Nell
Camp on the southern Oregon coast
Take a painting class
Learn how to swim, for reals (I *love* being in the water but I do this sad mashup between the breast stroke and doggie paddle and I'd be screwed if I ever needed to get somewhere quickly.)
Get my yard prettified enough to be featured on a garden tour . . .
. . . and then invite LeAnn over for cocktails
Float in the Dead Sea
Sew a sundress
Visit my family in Scotland
Go to Japan
Helicopter ride in Hawaii
Have a ladies-only tea party in the garden where we all wear dresses and eat little sandwiches.
Curry at HA & VL
Take a vacation with Bill
Make pizza on the barbecue
Host a board game night
Find the perfect jeans
Learn how to hit a baseball/softball
Play craps (it's look like so much fun in the movies . . . until something TERRIBLE happens)
Tea in the Chinese garden
Indian food at Vij's in Vancouver

Just a heads up: If you have "take a road trip to all the Sizzlers in the US" on your life list, there's a trip planner on their site. Nothing is stopping you now!

Anybody else have a mighty/bucket list?

Hey! There's our house!

2011-09-25T10:23:00.000-07:00

IFC has posted a sneak preview for season 2 of Portlandia and you can see our house!

Specifically, you can see them talking in our kitchen (including the window trim with a thousand different test paint strips:

In the front of our house:

And in our laundry room:

My water heater straps are finally getting their 15 minutes!

Also: Greg's couch and our rotting front window!

I love this.

2011-09-22T14:15:00.000-07:00

Gigantic pots in the garden, spotted at the Bardini gardens in
Florence. I want. While we're wanting, I also want marble statues and
a water feature depicting a lion vomiting water that forms a river.
That's all I want. And all of those things are possible because I saw
them here.

I heart Florence

2011-09-21T14:56:00.000-07:00

We're thinking a little something like this for the dining room ceiling.
Ha ha, just kidding. I'm never coming back! I'm going to live in the
Duomo and you can't stop me!

I'm not sure why I was worried.

2011-09-15T03:45:00.001-07:00

Cookies abound in Amsterdam! Every time you order coffee they give you
a little one.
I love Amsterdam.

File under: good to know

2011-09-12T19:16:00.000-07:00

I'm preparing to leave for our trip to Europe so instead of learning how to say, "Yes, I'd love mayonnaise on that" in Dutch I've been doing stupid things like cleaning out the garage in 96 degree heat. For unknown reasons I decided to take all the random wood and building supplies we have in the garage to The Rebuilding Center. I guess I thought they'd get up to no good while we were gone? Then I vacuumed the garage because home improvement isn't fun unless vacuuming is involved. And you know what? That garage doesn't look any better. It's still cluttered and full of boxes. And I still don't know how to say "cookies" in Dutch. WHAT IF WE NEED TO FIND COOKIES IN AMSTERDAM?

Because my day hadn't been awful enough, I headed to Ikea to scope out a new desk for the office. And I figured if I had to contend with slow-moving crowds I might as well go when I'm really dirty and sweaty. Maybe people would stay out of my way then? (They didn't.) I made my way home with a Micke desk and proceeded to sweat and swear my way through assembling it. This desk almost bested me.

More like BESTÅ'd me, amiright?

Also: I forgot how bad Ikea furniture smells and how long it off-gasses. Keep this in mind because I'm going to blame what happened next on glue fumes.

I wanted to clean the house before leaving so we could relax when we get home from our trip. The bathroom sink drain has been a little bit smelly and a tiny bit slow lately. At this point I'd like to remind you of the last time I decided to meddle with a drain that was a little bit slow. I ended up with a completely backed up drain and a sink dripping Drano everywhere. Because I never learn I decided to try a trick I read about on the Internet: vinegar and boiling water down the drain. Easy peasy!

As I poured boiling water down the drain I heard a deafening CRACK! but I couldn't figure out what it was. The pipe looked fine, the sink looked fine . . . except for the hairline crack that was slowly growing across the bottom. Yup, I cracked my sink. My sink, it turns out, is made of vitreous china and vitreous china cracks under high heat.

Fuck. Me. And fuck you, Internet. You're doing me wrong lately.

On the plus side, now the drain looks like it wants to huuuuugggg you!

So now I have a caulked sink (which looks AWESOME) and the possibility of hiring a refinisher to repair this thing correctly. Or I might get to replace the sink completely.

So. Scream it from the mountaintops:

1. Don't use Drano.
2. Don't pour hot water down your drains unless you're positive your sink isn't made of vitreous china.
3. Don't dye your favorite jeans purple.
4. Choose a desk other than the Micke if you don't believe in swearing.
5. Cookies = koekjes. Don't ask me how to pronounce it, though.

Be ye not so stupid!

Say hello to my little friend

2011-09-09T08:30:00.000-07:00

How was your labor day weekend? Mine was stressful. We came home Friday night from a lovely accidental date at Yakuza. Service is so slow you wonder if they forgot about you, or maybe they're mad at you? Either way dinner lingers a long time and it's so dark that it feels very romantic. Greg and I got into a little pissing match about modern design and who knows more (me, always me) and we ate fantastic burgers. But then we got home and found this little guy in our side yard.

If you have any soul at all you are weeping right now. It was the saddest thing. I ransacked the cabinets for a can of tuna and pulled out a cardboard box and a blanket. She wolfed the tuna but didn't know what to do with the box. She sat on our back deck and looked at us through the screen door, mewling sadly at us.

"Heather, I don't want a cat. Stop looking at me like that." Greg is such a dude.

The next morning she seemed to have taken off. I was worried and kind of relieved. But then it turned out she was just in the side yard! I fed her more tuna and then she climbed up into my lap. She had on nothing but a flea collar but it was clear that she was someone's house cat. She was so sweet. On the advice of a friend I called Oregon Humane Society and left a message asking to set up a drop-off time for her. OHS is a no-kill shelter and I knew she'd get snapped up right away.

And I waited for a call. And I waited for a call. And the call never came. In the meantime, I asked Facebook and Twitter for ideas to rehome her and everyone was spectacularly unhelpful, instead telling me, "Yay, you have a kitteh!" Actually, Internet, we have this huge trip planned and we can't adopt a cat who may or may not be litter box-trained, and leave her in our empty house for two weeks. A friend even offered to kick in money for a kitty hotel while we're gone. But you know what kitties need before they go to a kennel? Innoculations and vaccinations and a whole host of documentation we don't have. It's kind of impossible for us to adopt right now.

I bought real cat food and spent hours scanning missing cat ads and calling people who sounded like they might be possible fits. I discovered that people are spectacularly bad at describing their pets: "cat-sized cat." "Calico-colored cat." "Wearing a collar unless it fell off." I spoke with a woman for about 15 minutes who had lost, then found her pet. We lamented how frustrating the county website is and she wept while she told me about losing, then finding, her cat. In the meantime our stray cat sat on our deck, not making any attempt to find her way home.

On Sunday I tricked the sweet cat (I'd begun calling her Stevie in my brain) into a carrier and took her down to Dove Lewis to see if she was microchipped. She bawled the entire way there. I have never heard such sad noises come from an animal and it was brutal. At Dove Lewis they scanned her and found no chip. Then the very sweet vet tech told me that OHS doesn't take stray cats, they only take owner surrenders. My only option was to take her to the county shelter (the one where 50% of cats are euthanized).

"The one that closed 30 minutes ago?"
"Uh huh."
"Is it closed on Labor Day?"
"Uh huh."

I burst into tears. I took poor Stevie home and released her back into the yard. I thought she would try to claw my eyes out for subjecting her to that, but instead she crawled into my lap again and fell asleep. I worried she'd starve while we were traveling, having grown accustomed (after two days!) to being fed by me. I worried she'd get attacked by a raccoon or another cat. Stevie is a lover not a fighter, you see. I finally put out a pathetic status on Facebook asking if anyone had room for her in their home, because otherwise she was going to the pound. My awesome librarian friend Steve wrote back two minutes later saying he might have someone. His friend wrote me almost immediately with her phone number and fifteen minutes later she was at our house, ready to foster Stevie. Apparently it can take months to get a cat into OHS so I'm hoping that maybe we can adopt her once we return from traveling. Greg doesn't want a pet, mostly because they make spontaneous travel impossible, but he said he'd give in if it was important to me.

He's a seriously good man, that one. And I hope he meant it because I think I might want to bring Stevie home. But I've never owned a cat before. They poop in your shoes and scratch up your furniture and try to suffocate you in your sleep, right? Someone scare me petless, please. Really.

This whole situation added to a few weeks of feeling like I'm failing at everything I attempt. Bringing a new meaning to Bad Idea Jeans, I tried to dye my jeans darker using this method and ended up with purple pants. Don't believe everything you read on the Internet, especially when it's people telling you to use weedblock fabric in your landscaping. Seriously guys, don't use that stuff. Bad idea jeans, indeed.

A late summer garden is not a pretty thing

2011-09-07T12:00:00.000-07:00

I saw this tutorial in Better Homes and Gardens on how to create a picture frame planter full of sedums. It's amazing. I want one. I want an entire fence made of them. I want an entire HOUSE made of them and then I'll marry them and have a million of their babies.

It made me miss my junky little bathroom drawer on stilts that I planted with sedums last summer, only to have it crushed when the gate fell down. All of a sudden it became imperative that I recreate it.

I decided to check out Salvage Works in Kenton. They had lots of drawers that would have worked well but I got distracted by this rusted out wheelbarrow.

Conveniently, it has a hole blasted through the bottom, meaning I could turn it into a planter with good drainage.

I decided to sleep on it because I'm responsible. Also: I didn't have the keys to Greg's truck and it wouldn't fit in my Honda. I went back the next day and the owner had conveniently written the price on the handle in Sharpie. Except by "conveniently" I mean "stupidly." Anyone know how to get that off?

I ran to Lowe's in search of sedums even though they never have good succulents. I should have gone to Portland Nursery or Cistus. Actually, I should have cleaned the bathroom or otherwise prepared for my sister's impending visit instead of messing around in the yard. Lowe's only had some unremarkable hen-and-chicks so I grabbed more grosso lavendar. I figure this probably won't last the winter above ground so I'll have to replant next spring.

I've been blog-stalking danger garden recently and coveting all the pokey plants she has in her yard. This whole wheelbarrow setup is looking a little too precious and I'm thinking one of these babies would be more fun. Whale's tongue agave:

Photo yanked from Pam Penick at Digging

That's a little more unexpected, ya? I'm not sure how deeply it needs to be planted so I might have to go with something smaller. The wheelbarrow is only five inches deep. While I was garden shopping I bought some orange crocosmia for Greg (if baby wants orange plants, baby gets orange plants) and realized that this area of the yard is an even bigger mess than I thought.

Because I never really planned this area, so many things need to be removed or moved. There's a mountain of wild morning glory quietly weaving around every plant in the area. I pull that weed every time I find it and it always comes back. My neighbor, the one who thinks I hate her Doug Fir, has it growing with abandon in her yard, meaning I will never be able to fully eradicate it. Ultimately I want to move the blueberry bushes from this area to the front yard, but that requires removed the rhododendrons, amending the soil, and doing a whole bunch of stuff for which I'm not ready. So they sit in the ground, planted far too closely to their replacement shrubs. Beautyberry sits right next to a flowering currant, which sits right next to an elderberry. They all suffer for it. I've also got a few plants on death row. Sadly, they are natives.

This mock orange has been in the ground for two summers and has yet to flower. I have no place in my yard for shrubs that don't flower when their foliage is nothing to get excited about. I'm thinking about replacing it with a Mexican Orange, which is evergreen. This area desperately needs evergreen elements. I also want some goddamn flowers. Is that too much to ask?

Also not flowering? The nootka roses. They've thicketed like crazy, popping up in places I never wanted and they have yet to produce a single flower. If I'm going to put up with thorns there had better be some flowers. I'm not running a charity over here. Also? They've gotten so tall that I can't see the ninebark behind them. I'm thinking about removing them and planting something evergreen. Something chartreuse, maybe.

Also on death row? Whatever critter broke my birdbath. AGAIN.

How to build a franken-deck

2011-08-29T18:00:00.000-07:00

Our back step had gone from being softly rotting to actively dangerous. If you didn't step exactly in the middle of the step the whole thing would cantilever over to the side and pitch you into the bushes. We eat outside every night and we both started to feel like we were tempting fate, having someone as clumsy as me going up and down it in semi-darkness, usually with my hands full.

My sister came this weekend and took fancypants pictures of my dried-out garden! We ate crawfish and relaxed in the backyard and drank too much champagne.

At one point she asked us, "Wait. You don't have kids. What do you DO all weekend?" And we were like, "Whatever we want. Nothing or a bunch of stuff." Actually, Sissy, this is what we do. We build franken-decks.

You'll want to remove the old rotting stairs, taking care to salvage the fern growing under them. You already have thirty ferns in the yard but that's not enough. Swear when a wasp comes flying out from underneath the deck. In case there's a nest under there, dig out the can of Raid from the basement. Put on a hoodie and gloves and watch as Greg arms himself with nothing but a hammer. Welding a hammer instead of protective clothing isn't stubborn at all, GREG. I'm sure that hammer will protect you against a swarm of stinging insects.

Ahem.

We're all good! There's no nest. There IS a pair of socks, a Pepsi bottle, a Ball jar, a broken coffee cup, a yogurt container (Yoplait strawberry), and a can of A&W cream soda. The former home owners were hungry and a little bit sloppy, apparently.

You know what else they were? Lazy. These posts aren't sunk into concrete. In fact, they aren't connected to the main platform in any meaningful way, they're just kind of wedged under there. Cheerfully remind each other than this is a stopgap measure, and that you're going to replace this whole deck next summer. Drive some extra nails into the posts.

Decide to use two of the old piers you found in the yard and two new piers, just to make the measurements more complicated. Start digging a hole and realize you didn't buy enough gravel, prompting your second trip to the Home Depot in less than an hour. Make sure to forget your phone! When you're en route and you're thinking, "He might need me to pick up something else, I should turn around and grab it," ignore that impulse. JUST KEEP DRIVING.

Get home and learn that you need a different kind of bracket. Head to Lowe's this time, just for variety. Take your goddamn phone this time, okay? Enjoy the fact that you're driving around in air conditioning while Greg is digging holes, tamping gravel, and measuring things in the blazing sun. This is kind of the best thing ever, actually. Get back just as he's finishing up the crossbeams for the new step.

Your timing is excellent.

Decide that you should actually help build this thing. Here baby, let me nail in the treads. Be sure to drift! Greg didn't labor all afternoon just to have you drive nails in a straight line. Also, don't pay attention to the boards moving out of line.

Decide to reclaim the facing board from the old rotting step, just to give it more of a shabby chic feel. Also: bragging rights. Oh, you bought new wood for your deck? We reclaimed wood from the old one because we actually care about the environment. Get an uncontrollable case of the giggles because it looks so franken-decky. That's okay though, because the new step is SOLID.

Eat so much chicken at dinner that you suspect Greg is wondering if you're pregnant. (dude. no.) Driving to the hardware store that many times and hauling bags of gravel is tiring! Never mind that he did most of the work.

Seriously though, I love doing home improvement projects with Greg. We always laugh a lot and there's nothing more satisfying than putting your arm around the man you love while looking at your completed project and thinking, "We built that fucked-up looking thing together."

I need these now.

2011-08-29T10:16:00.001-07:00

Spotted at Lowe's. Please notice the chair for size reference. They
are PLANTERS. They are also $150 per boot. Damn it.

It's all part of my evil plan.

2011-08-23T22:54:00.000-07:00

Last night Greg and I were eating in the backyard on the someday-deck. I had that same feeling I think everyone gets in places where summer is very short. I grew up in California where summer basically lasts forever. It starts in March and can last well into October or November. There's no rushing to go camping or spend time outside because you can always do it next month. But in Portland summer is over almost as soon as it begins. I felt antsy and disappointed--we haven't kayaked this year! I haven't eaten a single artichoke! We haven't had a dinner party in the yard (though we had a barbecue and a birthday party). September has been swallowed up by travel plans, not that I'm complaining, but it shortens the summer even more. The only upshot to shortening days is an excuse to eat dinner by candlelight.

Then Greg admitted to me that he's been cheating. He's been looking at other houses online. "For someday, don't freak out!" he explained. Oh, for SOMEDAY! That makes me feels so much better that you've been secretly researching real estate! That doesn't make me nervous at all.

As an aside, does anyone understand that familiar plot in TV shows and movies where a dude, as a surprise to his lady love, buys a house for them? I would be livid if Greg did that, and we're not even married. You made a quarter million dollar investment (or more) and didn't bother to let me weigh in on it? I don't know if we'd ever recover from that. And how do you go through house hunting and escrow without letting anyone else know? Come on.

Anyway, our house isn't in a very walkable neighborhood. We have two grocery stores within a mile but we don't have any great bars or coffee shops or restaurants. In a city of forty thousand thai restaurants, we have none in walking distance. If you are drunk at two in the morning, however, we have the *best* taco shop. Greg lived in the NW 23rd area before I made him move into North Portland and we miss the walking options we had for eating out in that neighborhood. If I were to move I'd probably go no further than Kenton, which is a great little neighborhood about two miles away. They have a coffee shop, a library, a salvage shop, and a homebrew exchange. But Greg is plotting to get us back to his former stomping grounds, with its fancy shops and lack of street parking.

But! He admitted that every house he looked at paled in comparison to mine, mostly because they all had tiny yards. That's right, baby, you might think you can do better but no other house will love you like this one. We have room to spare and we're only five minutes from downtown. The whole thing makes me laugh because Greg always tells me how condo living is better, how he hates yard work, how he comes from a family of farmers and he's rebelled against his heritage by refusing to garden. And now he can't live without our enormous yard.

We're planning on bumping the fence out a ways toward the front of the house on the west side. Sometimes we say it's going to be a place for the compost bin. Sometimes we say it's going to be the hammock spot. Last night Greg said we should plant corn there because corn is delicious and also we could create a corn maze as an entrance to a Halloween party.

You guys, my plan to turn him into a North Portland home ownership-loving gardener is working! He wants to grow more vegetables AND he wants to create a corn maze entrance to a party! That's some Martha Stewart level awesome shit right there. I'm so proud.

We both agreed that we want to get the deck built early next summer, hopefully by May so we can spend the rest of the summer just enjoying it. And having dinner parties on it. Maybe kayaking on it. Definitely eating artichokes on it.

On nature

2011-08-16T12:31:00.001-07:00

I awoke one Saturday morning and opened the curtains to greet the day. We settled back in bed with our coffee and watched the birds flying by and the squirrels frolicking on the lawn. One leaped onto the planter! So cute! He adorably reached into the planter with his little rat-hands and PLUCKED A STRAWBERRY OFF THE VINE.

Son of a bitch.

I ran out into the yard in my underwear and cursed that tiny animal out. He retreated to the fence where, I swear to god, he made a big show of eating my strawberry. Mmmm, so good! So juicy! Wouldn't you like one? Too bad it's in my belly and also covered in squirrel disease.

I know I got my yard certified by the Audubon Society and I love animals and all that, but lately I've had it with nature. Some critter recently ate every single blueberry on both bushes. The crows, in addition to being noisy as hell, like to divebomb me when I'm weeding. I keep finding neighborhood cats lurking in the back, which would be fine if they would eat the crows (circle of life and all that); instead, they just poop in my beds. My yard is not a goddamn gas station, guys. You can't just use the restroom and leave.

The boy found water pellet rifles online and offered to try his hand at controlling the crows. I won't let him . . . yet. Because last night I successfully harvested a bowl of strawberries and they tasted like victory.

Score one: Heather.

Random updates

2011-08-08T22:37:00.000-07:00

1. I've been a little scattered lately, my weekends thrown off by the fact that the boy has been traveling for work a ton. Like, half of last month he was gone. So instead of getting my projects together, we're staying in bed until noon on weekends so we can catch each other up on our weeks. I think we finally decided that we're not going to build the deck this summer. It seems to make more sense to wait until we paint the house. Why would we paint the house when it looks so awesome in back? Yeah, I don't know.

2. We booked a trip to Amsterdam in the fall! THE ONE IN EUROPE, oh my god. I think we're going to hit Paris and Cinque Terre but please feel free to chime in with your favorite cities/sites/activities. I've never been to Europe and I can't wait to embarrass Greg by yelling loudly, "The LOOV-ruh! I liked Disneyland better!"

3. There has been no movement on anything tree-related with my next door neighbor. She cancelled our sit-down with the neighbor from around the corner and I haven't heard a word since. Greg and I wave and yell "hi!" every time we see her and we're going to keep doing that, pretending that nothing is wrong. And no one came to rip out her tree, so that's good. We may never know what was really going on.

4. I found this recipe for washing sheets that's supposed to make them very soft. It involves washing them in vinegar with very little detergent. I'm a big fan (it doesn't make your sheets smell like vinegar, I promise) but Greg has not been convinced. Then when Portlandia shot at our house they filmed a scene in our bedroom and Fred Armisen had to climb into our bed. As he got situated he murmured, "These sheets are really soft." If that's not the laundry equivalent of a double-blind randomized trial, I don't know what is. I think we can safely say that I WAS RIGHT.

5. My friends throw a county fair every year, held at the Kenton firehouse. There are competitions for ribbons in lots of categories from butter sculpture to pie making. I won a blue ribbon two years ago in pie making (blueberry sour cream) but this year I didn't even place (banana cream, shame on you). I'm not gonna lie, I'm competitive enough that this was a bummer. Luckily I hedged my bets and entered some of the lillies from the yard in the "gardening: flowers" category where I tied for first in a category with three entries.

I feel a tiny bit robbed because I used spent penstemon seed pods and how cool is that?

I shouldn't have to share my honor with some stupid zinnias (which really were beautiful). Greg guessed within one number how many items were in a sand jar, which garnered him some beads! We're both winners!

6. I installed a sliding screen door off the bedroom. It doesn't open or close smoothly, but hooray for fresh air in the bedroom. A cool night breeze is just the thing when you're drinking your wine and watching The Bachelorette together. Oh god, did I write that out loud?

7. The boy requested that I plant some orange tulips in the yard. I was going to plant "Sensual Touch" bulbs but I decided that it would be more embarrassing to order him "Orange Princess" bulbs. Do you like our princess bulbs? Greg picked out these pretty princess bulbs!

Because I'm not a totally horrible girlfriend, I also ordered him some Bastogne bulbs. Bastogne is featured prominently in Band of Brothers, which he loves. This has nothing to do with the fact that I think they're gorgeous and he never asked for red bulbs in the first place. I'm just being thoughtful.

8. My sister is coming up this month to visit and take photos of the garden. She is a fancy-pants photographer and she's going to document the yard better than I can. You know what would've been a great idea? Watering the lawn so it won't be all brown when she's here with her fancy-pants camera. Hopefully she can just photoshop that out.

Hope you're enjoying your summer!

Magic! Now in pink.

2011-07-27T23:24:00.000-07:00

There have been magical things happening in the yard recently. The boy and I are were eating dinner on the deck and I interrupted a story he was telling by swearing and running toward the planter. I had caught a glimpse of hot pink from behind the tomatoes, where the coneflower is planted. I planted the coneflower last spring and it never did anything. I had no idea what color the blooms would be. So imagine my surprise when I saw this:

Daaaaaaamn!

My "little honey" oakleaf hydrangea, planted last summer, bloomed for the first time.

I've planted rhubarb twice before and it failed to thrive; not so this time. It's huge! And it's just going to get bigger.

I am so in love with this heuchera. I believe it's Hollywood and it started blooming in early April. The blooms have stayed hot pink (and beautiful) for months and now they've pushed out a second round of flowers. The hummingbirds love them and the foliage is a gorgeous dusty purple. I have some other heuchera varieties in my yard and they're just kind of "enh." The best part of this lovely Hollywood? It was one scraggly plant I bought for $4 at a plant sale that I cut in five pieces and planted.

And dahlias! Hooray for dahlias!

Just one month ago I planted tomato plants.

And now they're doing this.

I don't even water my tomatoes! Magic.

My house is such a fame whore.

2011-07-22T06:15:00.000-07:00

My friend Krissy has a friend who works on Portlandia, the IFC show that lovably pokes fun of Portland's more ridiculous residents. She sent out an email stating that they needed houses to shoot in. I emailed some photos of our house, not expecting to hear back any time soon.

A very nice guy came out and took some pictures last weekend and then things started to move quickly. On Monday they told us they wanted to shoot on Thursday, would that be cool? I just started a new job and I didn't know if they'd let me have a day off so soon. Luckily, both Greg and I were able to swing it.

The crew showed up at 9am and started gift wrapping our house. They moved everything that could possibly be bumped or knocked over or in any way harmed and moved it to the office. They covered the floors and the furniture and then crammed 40 people inside. Hair, makeup, sound guys, video guys, directors, producers, PAs, people who held fans, the director's girlfriend, baby, and nanny, actors, and people who had unknown tasks. They all looked and dressed like people they make fun of on the show. Lots of skinny jeans and ironic facial hair. They were all so nice.

One of the crew members told me she made an offer on my house! She went to an open house and she said it was insanity. Maybe the house got more bids than we suspected?

They set up the backyard with monitors and tables and there were cables running everywhere. I am surprised we didn't blow a fuse, they were drawing so much power from everywhere.

There was nowhere to escape to, as they filmed in our bedroom, kitchen, dining room, hallway, basement, laundry room, and front yard.The wardrobe woman was wearing a ridiculous poncho and had such pretty hair that I felt compelled to make uncharitable remarks about her all day. Stupid pretty girl with perfect skin.

Filming went really late.

The crew was all very nice. The director was a tremendous douchebag (he's from LA, naturally). Even when they came out to look at the house, as everyone shook our hands and told us their names, he wouldn't look at us.

On the day of shooting, as Fred Armisen came over and thanked us profusely for letting them use our house (which he said so many nice things about) this guy wouldn't even look at us. If he walked into a room where we were, his eyes would glaze over if they passed over us. We did not exist for him.

This got me so bent out of shape that my Type-A-ness reared its head and I got really frustrated about the fact that I had forty strangers in my house, that no one was telling us what the schedule was, and that this filthy hipster of a director was lounging on my bed. He bent over at one point and his blue skinny jeans revealed that the waistband of his stained BVDs had completely ripped. That guy was lounging on my white duvet, stroking his pornstar mustache.. I was beside myself.

This was very obvious to all the crew, which led to a lot of, "This will all be over soon," and "Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay?" which made me feel like an asshole. So yeah, note to self: you are too Type-A to have filming done in your house. Crew will step all over your kinnickinnick seedlings and rip your ferns with their gaffing equipment and they won't realize that those are your BABIES and that you too are a baby, who would like them to be done at a reasonable hour so you can get up at 6:30 and be functional at your new job (where you've only been for two weeks).

Aside from the tight nerves (and the fact that they were not filming with Kyle MacLachlan that day [Agent Dale Cooper, MARRY ME]), it was fun to see how a real show is filmed. My brush with reality TV involved two cameras and a crew of 5. This was a different story. It will be worth it to be part of something that Portland has embraced so wholeheartedly. And did I mention how nice Fred Armisen was? He likes my corks!

I also love Craft Services. There is an adorable woman who will let you make a sandwich at any time and her school bus is full of candy.

So yeah, I'll unclench soon and enjoy the fact that my house will be Portland famous! Sort of!

I've been making craptastic movies again.

2011-07-17T22:40:00.000-07:00

Oh, Windows Movie Maker. You make such terrible movies.

I wish I'd been better about taking photos this year.

It's catching!

2011-07-14T08:52:00.000-07:00

My neighbors just tore out their cement slab, too!

Their yard fared a lot better than ours, though. You can't even tell a bobcat came through their front yard. Lucky jerks.

I'll plant calla lillies someday to balance this out

2011-07-13T09:38:00.000-07:00

When we moved the raised beds after tearing out the patio slab we found this weird deposit of cement. It was really hard to get out. I know this because I took pictures while Greg pried it out of the ground. It took him a long time.

It's been floating around the yard (as much as a hunk of cement can) since we removed it. I jokingly set it up by the entrance, at which point we decided it was so inappropriate that it had to stay.

Since this area is sort of pokey, it seems right to put it here.

I mean, come on, this plant is right behind it!

Want me to teach you how to use an upside-down calculator to write BOOBLESS? It's hysterical.

It finally happened

2011-07-12T21:37:00.000-07:00

I started my new job and it's been exhausting. I came home tonight and decided to take it out on the pear tree.

I cut it down!

Then I dug a hole to put in the California wax myrtle I bought and holy-effing-shit, it finally happened.

I found a body. Or bones.

PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME THESE ARE CHICKEN BONES.

The list

2011-07-08T08:29:00.000-07:00

In January I made a list of new years resolutions for the house. Let's take a look at how I'm doing.

1. Sew new curtains for the bedroom.

Okay, I just bought some from Ikea. Path of least resistance. We're gonna call that a CHECK!

2. Finally paint the living room.

CHECK!

3. Replace the mortise box on the front door so we could actually use it.

Greg and I actually tried to take the mortise box apart, only to find out that we're going to need to have someone pick the lock to even get the stupid thing removed.

4. Replace the back porch steps.

That's gonna happen this summer.

5. Replace the side fence.

CHECK!

6. Paint the patio slab.

We're gonna call this a CHECK! We didn't paint it so much as eliminate it.

7. Draw up a master plan for landscaping the front yard.

I'm working on this. Or I'm going to be working on this.

8. Remove the rhododendrons and azalea from the front yard.

I removed one! Er . . . I chopped down one.

9. Paint the exterior of the house. Quit laughing.

Okay, so this isn't going to happen. I'm hoping to be able to afford to have it done professionally next summer.

10. Put in baseboard and window trim in the basement.

This is a good fall/winter project, yes?

Taking housepainting off the list makes me feel like the rest of this is doable. Though we may end up building a deck in the backyard which makes me think I could remove something else from the list and still feel good about the year. And then my goal for 2012 will be to chill the hell out on home improvement so Greg doesn't move out in protest.

Some random updates from the garden

2011-07-07T15:32:00.000-07:00

I really want the entrance to the yard, as you go past the ferns and bleeding hearts, to envelop you in green.

Ultimately I want to put an arbor here with an evergreen vine on it but for now I decided to use my victory wine barrel planter to plant fennel. Fennel gets tall and bushy pretty fast, so it should fill in quickly. Fennel also gets thuggish, so I wanted to keep it confined to a container. Putting the barrel at the entrance to the yard will remind Greg, every single time, that I am stubborn. Because he wouldn't remember otherwise.

The fennel is small so I filled out the planter with astilbe and petunias. Go, old lady annuals, go!

I bought this stool at a thrift shop two summers ago and it sat in my garage, unused. I threw some Autumn Joy sedums in a pot (they will get way too big for it but I can transplant later) and it's nice to have some height in this area. I want to transplant my clematis to this area so it can climb the fence and not have to compete with the hops.

Sedum telephium

I planted a purple sedum that I'm in LOVE with, sedum ‘Bertram Anderson.' I think the purple is going to look awesome with the Oregon stonecrop (the seafoam colored one on the bottom).

Sedum ‘Bertram Anderson’

Bleeding heart is beginning to grow up through the hosta and I love it.

So once the fennel grows in and I get the rain garden in there should be a corridor of green that draws you into the yard.

BEHOLD, MY MS PAINT SKILLS!

So there will be fragrant mock orange and daphne on the left and fragrant sarcocca on the right (can you see its tiny form next to the wheelbarrow?) and a lush rain garden with grasses and sedges that draws you in and points you toward our awesome deck (which is coming soon).

We pretended to have dinner on the deck the other night (before I replaced the fence). It was lovely.

Summer in Oregon, I'm gonna marry you and have a million of your babies.

Crossing things off the list

2011-07-05T09:30:00.000-07:00

I have some time off before I start my new job so I decided to finally tackle the dilapidated fence on the west side of the yard. I've also watched an inadvisable amount of Real Housewives of New York. That show makes me feel dirty.

The fence didn't provide a shred of privacy.

Also, the cedar (it's a cedar! not a hemlock!) was planted too close to the fence and, as it grew, it pushed the fence out.

So I had to build the fence around the tree. But first I made sure to NOT measure the existing posts (which I was reusing) before I went to buy wood. I just assumed they'd be six feet apart but, no, these posts were sunk by a drunk toddler, so some of the spans are 93 inches, some are 70, some are 82! It's fun because it requires custom cuts for every single stringer AND now the fence isn't up to code. But I digress.

Ignore the horizontal board, it was just to help me keep the board height level.

We still have some special cuts to do around the cedar but I figure I should let the enginerd help with that. This weekend I had a hot shirtless Greg mowing my lawn in my newly private yard that I love and I felt so, so lucky.

I win.

2011-06-30T19:46:00.000-07:00

We were driving to Home Depot to get a replacement blade for the lawnmower and I mentioned that I wanted to get one of those wine barrel planters. Greg was like, "Let's get it next time."

"Why?"
"We'll get it next time."
"I'm getting it."
"Just get it next time."
"Do you know me at all? Now I'm getting two."
"It's not going to fit in your Honda. Let's just come back with the truck."
"I CAN FIT THREE IN MY HONDA. NOW I'M BUYING THREE, ARE YOU HAPPY?"

Anything can be a competition if you try hard enough!

A hail mary from the mystery willow!

2011-06-28T09:18:00.000-07:00

I decided the mystery willow is gone. The neighbors behind it moved down the street and rented out the house to their nephews who smoke constantly, play loud bad music, and generally make me feel 80 years old, and why can't they just keep it down so I can putter in my yard, for pete's sake?

So I want to chop it down and plant something fast growing, evergreen, and DENSE. I succumbed to the Backyard Habitat rep's suggestion of a California wax myrtle. It grows really fast, it's evergreen, and it forms a nice privacy hedge.

But the mystery willow said a hail mary! It produced fruit.

The mystery willow is a pear tree! Goddamn it.

I'm still going to chop it down. My inner 80 year old demands it.

Candy apple red, baby

2011-06-28T09:12:00.000-07:00

The lawnmower I bought for $10 off of craigslist fell down and went boom. Or Greg ran over the sewer clean-out with it and bent the shaft. So we searched Consumer Reports and got this beauty. It's so red and shiny! I love.

It belched white smoke when we started it, so badly that we ran and got the fire extinguisher, just in case. It stopped after a couple of minutes, so I guess it was just being dramatic. For its next trick doves will fly out of the bag catch!

Let's move rock!

2011-06-27T11:15:00.000-07:00

There's been no movement on the doug fir saga. My next door neighbor E asked (through another neighbor) if we could hold off on meeting. It's starting to sound like E is having signs of diminishing mental faculties. A landscaper was hired to clear the shared area under our roses and he told me she said I was "trying to take over her yard."

The neighbor who is trying to help us figure this out says that E is paranoid and convinced I reported her, and there's no reasoning with her. I'm still hoping we'll have a sit-down, but I'm not convinced it will change anything. I'm trying to just let it go, since I never did anything in the first place, and you can't rationalize with dementia.

The city forester called me back and said that she can't see anything on file and she doesn't know of any way that someone could force the removal of a healthy tree. The forester said the only thing she could speculate would be a letter from a neighbor, for insurance purposes. Apparently, if someone was concerned about the tree, they could send a certified letter to the owner and state that they are concerned about the tree. Then, if the tree fell down on their house, the neighbor who owned the tree would have to pay for repairs.

So maybe someone sent her a letter? Or maybe they didn't? I may never know because she won't talk to me directly. *Sigh*

Instead of thinking about this I've been working on the backyard. I decided I wanted to continue the retaining stones around the area where the cement slab had been.

The cedar bark wasn't staying where it should.

Et voila!

And now I would like to never haul cement or stone or rock ever again.

A quick update on the tree situation

2011-06-22T11:51:00.000-07:00

My neighbor from around the corner called me today and told me that my next door neighbor E (the 83 year old with the doug fir in her yard) received the letter and flowers I left her . . .

. . . but she doesn't believe that I was not the one who reported the douglas fir to the city.


Photo yanked from here.

We are going to have a sit-down, just the three of us, sometime this week to clear the air. I wish E would just sit down with me, since this third neighbor has absolutely nothing to do with anything, but I'll take what I can get. In the meantime I called the city forester to find out if they can really require someone to remove a healthy tree from their backyard. The woman I spoke with declared herself "a bleeding heart arborist" (Portland, I LOVE YOU) and said she'd look into the veracity of any complaints on the property.

Y'all keep your fingers crossed that I can convince E that I have logged no complaints to the city, nor do I have any complaints about her or her yard, forever and ever amen.

I feel sick

2011-06-18T12:50:00.000-07:00

Remember the other day when I said I loved the trees in my neighbor's yard? I came home two days later to find that she had paid someone to cut the trees branches along our property line. I thought that was strange and made a mental note to tell her that we love the way her douglas fir pokes into our yard and she doesn't need to worry about that kind of thing with us.

I came home from work yesterday and Greg had put down sod where the dog bone had been! I was so happy! Everything was good.

Then everything was bad.

Greg went out in the front yard, called for me, then introduced me to a neighbor from around the corner. She was helping my next-door neighbor, who didn't want to talk to me because we had served her with papers demanding she cut down her doug fir.

Wait, what?

I'm not clear on all the details but my neighbor, who is in her seventies, had been served with papers stating that the tree is a nuisance (I'm guessing here, I haven't seen the papers) and it needs to be removed. She assumed that it was us, I guess because I had asked a while back what kind of tree it was. I'm devastated that someone is coming after her like that and that she could possibly think it was us. She has been a warm, patient, and wonderful neighbor. She's been awesome about how generally shitty my front yard looks all the time, and how neglectful I've been of the roses. I adore her.

I also adore the tree. It is healthy and beautiful and it's all on her property (with the exception of a few branches that poke into our yard THAT WE LIKE). We have a number of much larger, older trees in the neighborhood, on our block even, so I'm not sure why hers is a problem. I left a letter for my neighbor last night, along with some flowers. I explained that we didn't report her, that we love the tree, and that we'll fight to keep the tree for her, should she lack the energy. I'm hoping she'll believe me and that she'll let me see the papers from the city (or county?) so we can see why this is happening.

Anybody have any ideas for plans of action? I contacted a friend who works for the city to see if they can dig into who reported her, or why. I'm going to contact the mayor's office and the city forester. I could nominate it as a Heritage Tree, but she may have it removed before August 31, when they process nominations.

I'm also concerned that someone will report our hemlock (or whatever that huge tree in my yard is) or any of the FOUR trees we are planning on adding to our backyard. I'll never understand why people don't just talk to each other, instead of calling in the city, or law enforcement, or lawyers. They're going to have to use a crane to remove the tree and I'd guess (based on people I know who have done this) that it will cost her $3000-5000 to have it removed. Did I mention she's in her eighties? I'm sure her social security check will cover that.

Did I also mention her deceased husband planted the tree? It was a gift from the forest service, for whom he worked as a writer. It was a six inch seedling when they planted it. There is so much suckage in this I can hardly comprehend it.

Any excuse to buy more plants

2011-06-16T08:11:00.000-07:00

I had a job interview last week and I was really nervous about it. I made a promise that I would treat myself to a tomato shopping spree at Garden Fever after it was over.

I need to give myself presents for doing things that normal people do all the time, without a lollipop. Because I am a big baby.

I was on my way to Garden Fever when I remembered that I had scheduled a bang trim with my hairdresser; I had to haul ass to the other side of town to get there. Where I waited 45 minutes. I was so hungry and frustrated and traffic was so terrible I knew I'd never get over there before they closed. I consoled myself by taking a trip to the Isle of Misfit Plants at Fred Meyer. Seriously, the plants were SO picked over and sad looking.

I picked up some coleus to give this area under the hemlock (?) a punch of color.

I'm going to try and divide them so I can spread them out a little. I think I'm a little mortified that I spent $20 on annuals. Annuals don't come back! When I finally got over to Garden Fever to buy my tomato starts I picked up some meadow rue. I didn't put it in the ground right away and it promptly wilted. Damn.

At least I got the job!

It's my house-iversary!

2011-06-14T12:03:00.000-07:00

On June 6, 2009 I had my reveal and the house became mine. In honor of my second house-iversary let's take a walk down memory lane!

Filming My First Place

My bathroom used to look like this.

Now it looks like this.

My kitchen looked like this.

Now it looks like this.

The yard before:

The yard after:

The yard is still very much in process

The site of the old patio slab.

Part of this process was removing 10,000 lbs of concrete.

The basement looked like this.

Now it looks like this:

The living room looked like this:

And it looked like this after the reveal:

And now it looks like this:

We removed the old furnace . . .

. . . and replaced it with an energy efficient one.

My friend David and I (but mostly David) removed the ELEVEN arbor vitae in the front yard.

By hand.

And I planted two Japanese bloodgood maples.

The dining room looked like this:

Now it looks like this.

I put in a new back fence, and I'm planning to put in a new side fence this summer. I painted every room in the house and have two hallways to go before I can say that I painted every paintable surface in the house. I had a lot of plumbing adventures, including putting in a new garbage disposal, changing the wax ring on the toilet, and clogging and then unclogging my basement sink.

And I got a new roommate. He's nice. Did I mention he mows the lawn for me? It rocks.

Illustration by Nan Lawson

The classic second anniversary gift is cotton. Perhaps I'll finally buy my house some curtains for the living and dining rooms.

I'm not as strong as I think

2011-06-14T08:04:00.000-07:00

The front yard has been looking particularly bad lately. The house needs to be painted and the landscaping is non-existent. If we neglect to mow the lawn our house goes from looking rundown to looking abandoned.

To wit:

The grass has spread under the rhododendrons and has sprawled well past its edges on the sidewalk and driveway. Greg was away on a crazy business trip all last week, jet-setting to amazingly humid locales like Atlanta. He came home and I was like, "I missed you so much! Let's spend some quality time weeding!"

I am the worst girlfriend.

We got the area under the rhodies cleared and discovered there are bricks outlining that area! I wanted to mulch the area under the rhodies but was worried about using a wood product and possibly encouraging termites. I asked the two instructors at my Naturescaping class and they assured me that mulching with bark or bark dust would not cause termites. Now I know where to send the Terminix bill if they are wrong.

While we were clearing out the area Greg started whacking a rhododendron stump. There were, at some point, FOUR rhodies and one azalea in this area. The stump popped right out with a few whacks.

Greg: "Well that was easy."
Heather: "Nice job! Now go remove that one."
Greg: "Where? I don't see another stump."
Heather: "Right there. And there."
Greg: "You mean the live rhododendrons?"
Heather: "Yes. Just go whack them until they fall down."
Greg: "That won't work."
Heather: "Yes it will. Just try."
Greg:
Heather: "Please?"

I was convinced (convinced!) that it wouldn't be that hard to pull the live stumps out so the next day I cut down one of the rhodies and started working at the stump. Mothercusser wouldn't move. Greg came out and nicely didn't gloat. I was hoping to trick him into picking up the pickaxe but he wouldn't go for it.

Whatever, I don't care. I'm glad this thing is no longer blocking all the light into our dining room. LEAVING THE STUMP WAS PART OF MY PLAN.

Instead I weeded the parking strip, spread a nice layer of compost on it, then mulched it. Again. I have weeded and mulched that strip so many times. My coastal strawberries are finally taking off but my kinnikinnick is just sitting there, not forming a nice ground cover.

It doesn't help that I never amended the soil after I removed the arbor vitae. This fall I plan to have a couple of yards of compost delivered so I can spread it on all the beds. I always thought compost only helped if worked into the soil. It turns out that if you leave it on top, the worms will come up through the soil, grab it, and bring it lower. Working it in initially would be better, but laying it on top will eventually improve the soil structure. It will also work as a mulch during the cold winter months.

I plan to build compost bins this summer so I can start making my own soil amendments. And a new fence. And a deck. We're gonna be busy.

A borrowed view

2011-06-13T10:02:00.000-07:00

The entrance into the side yard is so much prettier because of my neighbor's trees. I love borrowed landscaping.

Just ignore the trashcans.