So I want to chop it down and plant something fast growing, evergreen, and DENSE. I succumbed to the Backyard Habitat rep's suggestion of a California wax myrtle. It grows really fast, it's evergreen, and it forms a nice privacy hedge.
But the mystery willow said a hail mary! It produced fruit.
The mystery willow is a pear tree! Goddamn it.
I'm still going to chop it down. My inner 80 year old demands it.