Wednesday, September 4, 2013

And lo, there was hyperbole!

Guys, these lights almost killed us.


I came home from the gym last week after attending one of those classes with an oily bohunk who makes you lunge and lift and squat, all the while yelling, "faster! faster!" while he flexes his enormous, hairless muscles at you. It felt like I was part of a movie montage where the nerds try to get in shape but they're hopelessly flabby.


Anyway. I got home from the gym and the electrician had wired up the receptacles we installed and Greg was like, "Should we hang up the lights now?"


I was like, "Um, of COURSE we should hang those right now. But let me go throw up first and then I think I'm supposed to drink a glass of egg yolks."

There were a series of errors, beginning with the fact that the sun was going down, so we were working by headlamp. Next: Greg was hangry. He's a very sweet man until he gets hungry and then he gets mean. Third: At some point I dropped one of the nuts that attaches the fixture to the ceiling and it rolled away to parts unknown, laughing most likely. Remember how Greg was hangry? This was not our best moment. And we couldn't install the last light fixture.

Also: at some point I misplaced one of the Edison bulbs that came with the light fixture and we didn't have a replacement. We spent 20 minutes tearing the house apart looking for it.


I went and took a shower, during which time Greg located the missing nut! I came out from the shower and we finished the last light installation. Thank freaking goodness.

Nine hours after we started this project I flipped the breaker back on and hit the brand new dimmer switch . . . and nothing happened. Sonofabitch.

There was nothing to be done except go to dinner (at 9:30! so European!) and bemoan our lack of a proper reveal. We assumed the problem was in the dimmer switch, since our electrician seems to know what he's doing. After dinner Greg decided to swap out the new dimmer switch with the old one and voila! it freaking worked. FINALLY.

We were missing a bulb but it was still pretty glorious. To celebrate I promptly got a migraine that lasted four days.


But I'm fine now! And lights! Such pretty lights! Such pretty holes in the ceiling that need to be patched! Boy, I don't feel like doing that at all!


But if I've learned anything from movie montages it's that my muscles will soon be huge, I will get the girl, and you will find me either yelling Adwian!Adwian!* or singing We Are the Champions with my buddies** at the end of all this.

I love movie references. I love lamp***. The end.


*see: Rocky.
**see: Revenge of the Nerds.
***see: Anchorman.

23 comments:

  1. Oh Heather, you sure know how to party! A four-day migraine, Yikes! Thanks for the new vocabulary, the fun movie references, and the comfort that comes from knowing that we're not the only ones whose house projects more closely resemble a Lucy and Ethel adventure than a segment from "This Old House!"

    ReplyDelete
  2. Those lights are simply beautiful -- and I am completely ignoring all your tribulations, having been through exactly the same idiocy last week but with a bunch of rocks for a wall we thought we could build.


    Seriously, those lights are stunning and you will forget how awful it was to put them up. Like childbirth, it's just horrendous, but then it's over and you get something really nice out of it all.


    Did I tell you how much I like those lights? The bold, clear, statement glass with the rustic table really works.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow! The lights are gorgeous! They seriously make the room! ...and I love that you use the term hangry as my husband frequently uses the term hangry with me :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Meryl Rose PhillipsSeptember 4, 2013 at 8:02 AM

    You are hilarious and those lights are fucking AWESOME

    ReplyDelete
  5. So, you're saying you were in a glass case of emotion this weekend ;-)


    LOVE the lights!

    ReplyDelete
  6. The lights are gorgeous! Sorry you had to cope with a hangry man. Mine does that too, and it's so not fun. Actually, I'm starting to wonder if mine is always hangry. This was a fun post to read, but not so much fun for you to do. But...you accomplished it! Well done you! I used to get migraines too, that sometimes lasted for days. Menopause cured that.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Beautiful. No more 4 day migraines, please.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thanks so much! I've heard from a couple of women that menopause cured their migraines, though I'm not sure I'm ready to trade headaches for hot flashes. :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. The lights look wonderful! They go beautifully with the table too. Given the headache that (literally) went along with the installation, I also expect that the lights will remain in place for a long, long time.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks so much! I hope we don't have to move them anytime soon!

    ReplyDelete
  11. We love your new lights Heather, very contemporary and stylish!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Next time would you set up a web cam ? Lights look great, Hope you feel better !

    ReplyDelete
  13. Too funny! Your lights are awesome and dinner should always be at 9:30. Except for Greg. Feed him constantly.

    ReplyDelete
  14. The lights are gorgeous! So happy that your migraine is over. Ouch. And I loved all the movie references.

    ReplyDelete
  15. If all went smoothly what kind of a story would that make? You are never, ever...DULL.

    ReplyDelete
  16. It's true. All if the idiocy makes for a better story!

    ReplyDelete
  17. We both get pretty cranky when hungry so we keep a pretty stupid amount of power bars on hand. :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. I think this is as much of a record of our mishaps as I want. :)

    ReplyDelete
  19. The lights and the table are beautiful! A perfect place for 9:30 pm dinners.

    I love your movie references. Mikey and his inhaler <3

    ReplyDelete
  20. A-MAZING. Stuff like that always happens to us too but I am always the hangery one. We couldn't get one of the little ball nut things on the light fixture in the bathroom--tried for literally 4 hrs...needless to say we gave up and put a regular nut up there. It bothered me every time I looked up there. Now that we sold the house ill never have to look at it again. I wonder in the new owner noticed it yet. hmmmmm.

    ReplyDelete