Bursting with failure

When I moved into my house all the doors had padlocks on them, which was . . . disconcerting. Padlocks on the bedroom doors and a padlock on the door leading to the basement were the creepiest. And all of the doors has long scratches covering them.

If you know me at all you can guess that my mind went to absolutely terrible places with this. Some half-goblin/half-human monster was locked in the basement . . . her goblin mother would scratch at the door, trying to get in . . . This is why I don't watch American Horror Story anymore.

So I looked online for some reasonable explanation and found documentation that the fire department requires banks to padlock all the doors in foreclosed homes. That's the story we're going to go with, for my sanity.

The scratches on the doors weren't so noticeable until I painted the doors glossy black. My theory is that a previous owner had a dog that would scratch at the doors, causing these marks. That seems more likely than a human scratching, right?

Right?

When I painted the bathroom door I took the time to fill the gouges with wood filler and sand everything smooth. It looks great! The weekend before our dinner party I decided that I should re-paint this door (which leads to the basement), as well as the rest of the bedroom and hallway closet doors. Greg had just bought a new tube of wood filler but it wasn't the soft stuff I'd used before. It was seemingly made of concrete. But I didn't know this, so I overfilled all my gouges so I could sand it down level after.

And then I started sanding. And sanding. And sanding. And ALL OF THE SWEAR WORDS. Sanding.

I spent an entire Sunday trying to sand these down, working with the vacuum and the air purifier and still there was dust everywhere. And you know what? My door now looks like this.

With the contrast upped. It's very obvious in real life.

Like someone flung blood all over the door and we painted over it (I might be watching too much Walking Dead?). So the plan is to take it get dipped-and-stripped and to start over. With the nice soft wood filler and an electric sander. Outside.

A happy new year to you

Whew you guys, we made it through the holidays. I have no excuse to dislike the holidays but I always have a hard time enjoying them. They end up so busy, so expensive, and so jammed with things like work parties (seriously, we see each other every day, why so many work parties?). It didn't help that 2012 was a really bad year for a lot of people. I can't remember a year where I knew more people who lost loved ones or jobs or their health. Greg and I have been hiding out for a week, working on jigsaw puzzles and staying in our pajamas all day.

I also painted more black doors.

I've been reading everyone's "What we accomplished last year" lists on their blogs and I was feeling so lazy but then I realized that we painted the house and landscaped the front yard plus I painted a whole bunch of stuff, so that made me feel better. I still have no quarter round on the floors upstairs but the year of little things was fairly successful. We have curtains in the living room! We have a real light fixture over the kitchen sink!

Our biggies on the list for 2013 largely involve the basement. I got a gift certificate to Mr. Plywood for Christmas so we're finally going to install baseboard and window trim in Greg's movie lair.

And on the laundry side we're going to demo a useless built-in and install shelving. Greg thinks if we do this I'll stop leaving the tape measure in a different place every time I use it, which makes me laugh and laugh. Variety is the spice of life! Where is the fun in home improvement if you don't spend the first half hour looking for the hammer that your girlfriend inexplicably left in the bedroom closet?

From me to you, I wish you good health, happiness, and peace. I'll be over here poring over all the gardening catalogs I'm getting in the mail. Spring is coming!

Surprise!

I've been painting again.

Greg and I always joke that whenever he goes away on business he comes back to find that I've painted a room. I try and wait until he's gone so he doesn't have to deal with paint fumes. Also, I like to sing while I paint and Eternal Flame is still such a good song you guys, but Greg doesn't need to hear that.

Hang on to your hats, this is dramatic (we're looking at the spot above the door).

Before:

After:

I KNOW. I know! It's crazy. The old color was the off-white from Metro Paint, which smells terrible and is made from recycled paint, so the colors were totally different from batch to batch. The new color is White Chocolate by Benjamin Moore, a color that looks exactly like white chocolate. Why would I bother? For starters, there was a spot over the door where I started to paint three years ago, then realized it needed to be patched, so I painted around it, then spackled it, then never painted. And I guess I got rid of the paint can at some point? So I was never going to find a match for that spot.

Then we installed baseboard in the kitchen, which I still can't show you pictures of because Tinkernation has neglected to publish my final post. I am contractually obligated to keep it under wraps until they do. But I had to patch the wall, which means the kitchen really needed to be repainted.

I bought a quart of White Chocolate and put up a swatch above the door, since Greg was away for the night. Then I was having so much fun I decided to paint a little further. Then I realized I was just painting the kitchen that night. I almost had enough paint to finish, too. Instead I had to pop over to Benjamin Moore the next day after work and hustle to get it finished before Greg got home.

It didn't work. He walked in and I was behind the stove with a roller and I weakly yelled, "Surprise!" and he was like, "I see the roller and the paint can but everything looks the same," and I had to explain the minute difference between the two colors.

All of the paint fumes with none of the dramatic impact! You're welcome, baby.

The good news is I really love the color and we have no visible patches. And it turns out I still know all the words to Eternal Flame and Walk Like an Egyptian.

I can't leave well enough alone

This is our entry way. It was fine but I've been itching to paint the doors black. I'd been resisting this because black doors are de rigueur right now and I try to avoid trends. But then I realized I was being a stupid hipster and it's okay to follow trends sometimes. It's just paint.

So I painted the doors here and in the kitchen and I freaking loved them.

But then I started looking at the paint job in here and how the previous owner didn't even cover the old orange paint in the area between the front door trim and the coat closet trim. I started to get itchy to repaint the walls. Thanksgiving won't be perfect if I don't repaint the entryway!

Greg was like, "Wait, what, you're painting again? I thought you were all done." and I was like, "La la la, MORE PAINT FUMES HOORAY!" I had pinned this image a while back onto my "awesome paint colors" board. It's 'Peaceful Night' by Behr.

Image from Design*Sponge

I went to Home Depot and grabbed a gallon because I was like, "Oh, it will be so awesome I'll want to use it everywhere!" Without testing it first. Do you see where this is going?

Uh, that's not the same color. I know, Internet browsers, photography filters, blah blah, I should have tested the color first. Because it's electric cobalt blue. Cobalt blue is having a moment, so our entry way is totally on-trend but it doesn't really fit with the color scheme of the rest of our house.

I ran to Ikea and bought the largest natural wood frame I could find and threw a Fatsia japonica leaf in it (think it will last until Thanksgiving?) and tried to break up the blue with some scavenged artwork. No dice, it's still crazy blue. So we're going to have to repaint it. I don't hate the color (as I'm sitting here I'm realizing it's very similar to LeAnn's garage, which looks amazing) but it stands out from the rest of our house. We employ a pretty consistent color value throughout our house and this is off the charts in comparison.

If you're in love with this color and want the almost-gallon I have, just let me know. It's all yours. And then I am not allowed back at the Home Depot for at least a month.

Hoo ha cherry soda!

I am the Ron Paul of home improvement. My plan makes no sense, everything is backward, but I'm having a good time and people seem content to let me keep on with it because it's mildly entertaining. But I don't send out racist newsletters, so at least I've got that going for me.

I've been painting this alcove for two months. Painting with this color (Benjamin Moore Whirlpool) is a pain in the ass because it essentially goes on white. I don't use painters tape because I can usually cut in with a pretty straight line with a brush. But this color makes it very difficult to see where the white trim ends and your color begins. So there's been a lot of repainting around the trim. And then after I painted it I decided to patch some of the holes. And then I had to repaint those spots.

Then I filled the gaps where the door hinges used to be and primed and painted those sections. Then I slapped a coat of paint on the trim. Then I decided that I should put wood filler on the thousands of dents and holes covering this poor doorway. And THEN I primed it. And painted it. Again. What's wrong with me and why am I at this debate?

I'm sick of having a purple bathroom (it was supposed to be gray) and I've been hunting for the perfect color for three years. With our new gray-with-a-purple undertone house paint I thought, "Aha! I can just lighten up our exterior color and have it put in an interior paint base!"

I had them mix up a 25% mix of our house color and then decided to put it here in the bathroom. Because touching up TWO colors is the best.

Our house color has a blue undertone, not purple. I know this now.

I'm pretty sure the white alcove was painted with Killz primer, something I don't have on hand. You guys, don't do this.

Hoo ha! Cherry soda!

'RON PAUL' - A Bad Lip Reading SoundBite - watch more funny videos

Have you watched the Bad Lip Reading videos already? They (along with that cat from Japan who jumps out of boxes) are some of my favorite things that the Internet ever created.

Housepainting. Oh my god.

After almost a year of obsessively walking our neighborhood and discussing the merits of other people's paintjobs (that's what the song OPP was about, right?) we booked a house painter. We've been playing with the Sherwin Williams color visualizer, which is a pretty nifty tool. Our painter dropped off a book of color combinations and we plugged in a couple of our favorites, only to find that they looked terrible once we pulled them up on the visualizer. Accidental finding: it's really helpful to have your neighbor's house in your photo so you can see how your house will look next to theirs (the house on the right side of us is white).

Sherwin Williams Peppercorn with Saucy Gold on the door

Sherwin Williams Roycroft Pewter with Offbeat door

I'd love to paint the house a warm white and let the landscaping provide the color, but Greg won't go for it. He says it will get too dirty. This from a man who hates that I ask him to remove his shoes inside the house.

SW Porcelain with Deep Sea Dive door

We are both leaning toward blue at this point but blues are *so* tricky. Complicating things is the fact that our house doesn't have much trim, so we don't have a whole lot to diffuse or play off of a bold color. Our windows don't have a paintable inset, so we can't use two colors on them. And our roof is kind of orange. I love the orange but gray would be way easier to work with.

In fact, the more I look at this picture of my house the more I realize that my house just isn't that great to look at from the outside, bad paint job aside. I never really realized this because I'm in love with my house. I imagine this is what it feels like when a parent realizes that their child is not beautiful to other people.

You guys, my house has a good personality. *Sniff.*

We are tentatively booked for late February. As in this month, holy sh*t. The painter will paint three different swatches on our house for free, after that we have to pay extra. He said one client had him put up 16 different swatches . . . and then never paid him. As long as it's not raining, they can paint during the winter using a special paint. He claims it's more durable so it's a good deal for us. I assumed they only work in the summer so this is a nice surprise.

SW Downing Earth with Marigold door

SW Sage Green Light with Butternut door

SW Pewter Green with Bengal Grass door

Our friend Maura warned us that we would hate the first swatches we put up, no matter how much we liked them in the visualizer. This makes sense; it always happens with interior paint colors. So we're kind of resigned to paying more for more swatches. Part of me wants to ask the painter to "surprise us" with his favorite exterior color, like you'd do with a server in a restaurant, but I know our painter won't go for it.

Considerations:

• Hot pink tree in April - May.

The bloodgood maples are always this purpley color

• Lighter colors supposedly make your house look bigger but I'm confident in the size of my house. This isn't California, I don't need to compensate.
• Future landscaping which will not include a lawn but will include a rain garden with tall grasses. I want another cryptomeria, which has a deep russet color in winter.
• HGTV claims that reds, greens, and blues fade out faster than neutrals, leaving your house looking washed out.
• We already have two pink houses on our street, so don't anybody go suggesting it. 

SW Coming Up Roses with Grounded door

Has anybody painted their house? Any mistakes you made or words of wisdom? Go ahead, get opinionated.

If you are a house blogger . . .

If you are a blogger, chances are you're either redoing your kitchen or you're pregnant. No, seriously, go look at your RSS reader. Pregnant or remodeling their kitchen or sometimes both.

I don't want babies so I'm satisfying the demands of the gods by doing the only kitchen remodel I can afford: painting the door. These pictures best show the gnarly state of our kitchen door. Dinged, dented, filthy, peeling, and just sad.

Upon taking apart the doorknob, I discovered that the previous owner had affixed it with caulk. Like the kind you use to seal your bathtub. That makes sense! I used a scraper to get the caulk off, leaving me with this mess.

I sanded everything down but I didn't have wood putty because of an unfortunate accident where my tube of wood putty hardened at the top and I squeezed too hard and the whole tube pooped out its contents from the bottom end, all over me. That's pretty much what having kids is like, right?

I wanted to get the door done before the boy returned from his work trip (Surprise! Paint fumes!) so I just painted it without filling the gauges. Enh, we'll live. I also hit up the knob with some Brasso.

It looks better, ya? Of course, now that the whole thing looks shiny and new I kind of feel like it would look better with a color. Maybe I could paint it yellow and Greg would feel better about the fact that I stole his yellow hallway from him.

Or maybe that's a bad idea.

Sherwin-Williams Daffodil

Sherwin-Williams Chartreuse

Sherwin-Williams Jonquil

The kitchen has always been tricky because the yellow counters are so cool and the floor tiles ended up being so much warmer and browner than I expected--I'm still trying to find ways to bridge the gap between the two. Regardless, I need to address the trim which still needs to be filled, sanded, and painted.

Now go double up on your birth control and get ready to pick out faucets. Or suggest paint colors for the door if you're feeling opinionated.

Removing doors and patching holes

We have two doorways that lead to the back hallway and bedrooms: one from the living room and one from the kitchen. Only one of them had a door actually hanging from the hinges. Even if we had doors on both, we'd never use them. We just don't have the same sense of propriety that they did in 1938 when they built my house. Realizing that we never close the door off the living room, I asked Greg if he'd care if I just got rid of it. He responded that he'd never been sure why I hadn't removed it already.

But that means we had this situation going on when I removed the hinges. Sorry about the bad photography--this hallway gets zero light.

Bad pictures, ahoy!

My friend Sarah told me about using those free paint stirrer sticks to patch these holes. They fit perfectly.

You just trim them to fit (we used craft scissors), attach them with finishing nails (drill a pilot hole or the wood will split), hit them with some wood putty, sand them, prime them, and paint them.

It's like there was never a door here!

Oh wait, except for on the other side. We haven't figured out the best way to patch this hole yet. It's too shallow to accommodate a paint stick. So we could chisel out a deeper hole or try to find a thinner piece of wood to patch it. We'll probably go with the latter.

In case anybody is worried, we are keeping the door we removed in storage. Future owners may want to be able to close off areas of the house and you don't give away original solid-wood doors.

Because I'm a sucker . . .

Because I lack sense, I'm painting the bedroom. Again. For curtains that I may or may not even sew at this point.

I'm totally over painting at this point. Except that I sort of really want to paint the hallway--but it would be easy! No furniture to move, a half gallon of paint, and a couple of hours of work. And then I'd really for reals be done with painting. Except for the basement staircase. Then I'd be done. And maybe the entryway. 

I can't stop; send booze.

I'm slowly making progress

The living room is starting to look less like a construction site.

The rug is Sakura from West Elm.  Window coverings as vexing me more than I should let them.  More on that later. 

Do we like?  The white fireplace looks alright, ya?

Quick update on the living room

I spent all day Sunday painting the ceiling and trim, which is a terrific way to spend a lot of time doing something unpleasant with no real visible change.  But then my car door busted and I had to take it to the shop, so I got a bonus day for painting.  At least this time you could tell I had been doing something in there.

Here's a quick reminder of what it looked like before:

I had to repatch an area over the fireplace where I did a bad job the first time--that white stripe will be going away soon.  I'm really digging the white on the fireplace and the brighter white of the newly painted window.  

After I finished painting for the evening I somehow ended up obsessively scraping paint off the wood floors with a razor blade.  All of my floors look like this because the previous owners couldn't be bothered to use dropcloths. 

And the fact that I feel the need to do this is the number one reason that they will have to drag me off to the loony bin someday.