That money isn't going to spend itself

Several months after I moved into the house I moved a piece of plywood that was over our basement floor drain and noticed that when the washing machine emptied, it made this happen:



I ran some hot water and vinegar down the drain and that helped a lot but it was still backing up onto the floor. It's never been high on my list of things to spend money on because it doesn't really hurt anything and it looked way too gross to snake myself (plus mine's not long enough) and getting a pro in costs $115, and do you know how many plants that will buy?

I don't know why but I finally started worrying about it and the money in my checking account isn't going to spend itself, so I called Grumpy's Drains and they sent someone out two hours later.

He was very nice (I WANTED THE GRUMPY GUY) and he said our floor drain is still in good shape, though they generally only last 50-60 years. Mine will be 75 next year! He gave me the number of a trustworthy contractor, in the event that it does finally give up. And then I snapped one of those fancy $3 covers on it. Like a grown up.

On a semi-related "things in the basement" vein, I've been using an iPhone app that I really like called "Time Flies." It cost $.99 and it has a very simple interface to keep track of things you don't do very often. I use to track when I flush the water heater, change the furnace filter, apply fish emulsion in the garden, or clean the gutters.

It doesn't remind you to do anything but it will tell you how long it's been since you cleaned the range hood (really? it's been that long?). So if you know you're falling behind but maybe don't know how far behind, this one is for you.

Exercises in futility

The experts say you're supposed to clean out your dryer vent every 6-12 months to prevent dryer fires caused by lint build up. I haven't cleaned mine since I had to buy a new dryer two years ago. I recently laundered our down comforter (I just learned that you can do that) and I was worried that feathers in the dryer vent would make everything more flammable.

Side note: I took the comforter to a laundromat so I could use their large-capacity washers (only our dryer at home is large capacity). Not only was everyone there INSANE (and so chatty!) but the owner took it upon himself to manhandle my clean, wet comforter.

"You should dry this on low heat." Squeeze squeeze squeeze. Why would he touch, let alone squeeze my clean laundry?

Anyway. I decided to just buy a new vent rather than wrestling with vacuuming out the old one. As I was trying to get the plastic parts that connect to your window and your dryer attached to the metal tube it all came flooding back to me: getting those aluminum tubes attached is a bitch.

You have to expand the tube but if you pull too hard it will unravel. And if you keep doing that, like an idiot, it will soon be too short to use and then you'll end up at the hardware store again, purchasing the more expensive kit that comes with the attachment pieces already connected.

So this is the dryer vent that I'm going to love forever. I'll buy one of those stupid vent-cleaning brushes and wrestle with the vacuum but this is the vent.

The best part is that I didn't have all that much lint buildup in the former vent. There was definitely some but not the clogged artery I was expecting. I am glad I did it, so I can quit worrying that I'll be one of the 15,000 dryer vent fires that happen every year.

Does anyone want to come over and worry? I have bourbon and Xanax and we can trade statistics about freak electrical accidents.

Because it was raining

I decided to paint the basement stairwell, as part of my "little things" resolution. This is the last area of the house to be painted, except for the laundry room, which is unfinished cinderblock. I don't want to paint the laundry room because, ugh, what a pain in the butt. Also: spiders.

If we are being honest I will probably paint it at some point because, ugh, I'm compulsive like that.

The walls were a shiny off-white and they were filthy from dragging the old furnace out, moving furniture in and out, and all of the work we've done in the crawlspaces. There's cheap fake wood paneling at the base of the stairs that looks terrible. The carpet is going to come out, maybe this winter, which is why I wasn't very careful with drop cloths.

High five!

Right before I started painting

If I was smart I would have painted the walls the color of dirty hand smudges (maybe Sherwin Williams' You Have Sons, Your Bathroom Will Never Be Clean Again) but I didn't want to spend a lot of money on this project, so I bought a gallon of heavy duty primer and used the gallon of Benjamin Moore's Whirlpool I had leftover from painting the alcoves . BM paint costs more than my car, so I wanted to use it up. We're going to get it all dirty again in a second but for right now it looks bright and light. I asked Greg the other night if he put a stronger bulb in the light fixture and he thought I was fishing for a compliment on the paint.

It's not white, I swear. It's a very pale blue.

It's noticeably brighter coming down the stairs now. I used leftover white paint on the wood paneling but I might change that later, if it gets grimy quickly. In low-light situations I've heard you're supposed to use saturated paint colors. This one definitely doesn't qualify and it's difficult to photograph well. Stupid designers and their rules of thumb.

We hung the signed poster the Portlandia crew sent us as a thank you for volunteering our house. We have a lot of extra art floating around the house and I think I'm going to hang it in here. Because once you've made your basement stairwell light and bright the next logical step is to crowd it with artwork so you feel claustrophobic when fetching your laundry.

I also have to finish scraping the peeling latex paint that the previous owner applied to the oil-based paint on the door trim. Then prime, then paint in a bright white that we can immediately get dirty. Circle of life and all that.

My room got shocked

Have you heard about this product that eliminates mold, mildew, and odors? It's called Room Shocker or roomSHOCKER, depending on what part of their website you're visiting. Something similar was apparently used in houses that were flooded during Hurricane Katrina to eliminate mold. I read about it some time ago on Apartment Therapy, bought some on Amazon, then forgot about it.

Photo yanked from Apartment Therapy

I've been having really bad allergies ever since Greg moved in; I wake up in the morning, start sneezing, keep sneezing, and then sneeze some more. My friend Erin cheerfully informed me recently, "You probably have mold!" Then my parents came to visit and my father, whose super sense of smell I inherited, started sniffing around my basement. Does it always smell like mildew down here? Before Greg moved in, I always left the door to the basement shut. Ever since he moved in we leave it open. I don't know why we do that, but I'm thinking that maybe an allergen from down there is wafting into the rest of the house.

So yeah, I gave Room Shocker a shot. It's pretty easy to use. You open up what looks like a frappucchio container, read the instructions that are by turns breezy, then terrifying. "Room Shocker is all natural and cannot hurt you. Fill the container with warm water to the line indicated on the cup. DO NOT FILL WATER BEYOND THIS LINE. DO NOT TOUCH THE PACKET. LEAVE THE ROOM IMMEDIATELY. There's no need to leave the house, if you don't wish, as Room Shocker is completely harmless!"

I filled my cup, ran out of the basement, then left for work. But first I started second-guessing that I pushed the packet down far enough, so I went back into the basement to find a cup full of noxious yellow liquid that made my eyes burn. Whew, I did it right.

Seven hours later I returned home to find that you could smell the chlorine from outside the house. I can't imagine trying to stay inside the house all day. I decided to open some windows, leave again, and buy a bird feeder. I had a gift card from when I got my backyard habitat certification.

They were all sold out of the Squirrel Buster 3000

The Backyard Bird Shop is so. much. fun. They're so excited that you're getting your first bird feeder! They're so knowledgeable! My salesperson was A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E. I love that stores like this thrive in Portland.

So far my allergies aren't any better which means that it didn't work, or I don't have mold and I'm allergic to something else, or I'm allergic to Greg. So now is the time for all the worriers to come out of the woodwork and warn me that I have black mold and that I'm going to die. Or that chlorine causes cancer and I'm gonna die. Because I don't worry about that stuff enough as it is.

Hey! There's our house!

IFC has posted a sneak preview for season 2 of Portlandia and you can see our house!

Specifically, you can see them talking in our kitchen (including the window trim with a thousand different test paint strips:

In the front of our house:

And in our laundry room:

My water heater straps are finally getting their 15 minutes!

Also: Greg's couch and our rotting front window!

That weird crawlspace

So that weird crawlspace that was added underneath the dining room is only accessible via this window in the basement.

The former owners made weird decisions (like burying things in the yard) and they liked to use the crawlspaces as storage.

There were, if I remember correctly, 23 bags of insulation in the main crawlspace. My electrician pulled them out for me (I don't get in the crawlspace because of SPIDERS, OH MY GOD SPIDERS) and my contractor friend took them off my hands.

The weird crawlspace was apparently used as a junkyard.

We found a bag of potting soil, a broom, an old window screen, and a lot of small pieces of wood. The boy awesomely volunteered to pull on his hoodie and his workgloves and fetch them through the window. I held the flashlight and SCREAMED when a huge spider came coasting down onto the boy.

Oddly, he didn't seem to appreciate this.

But it's clean and we didn't kill each other afterward, so I think we can call this one a victory.

A man-cave fit for a man in a cave.

It's almost been a year since I put the flooring in the basement and I've never really done anything with it. Just a friendly reminder of what it looked like when I moved in:

 

And then I did all that work last winter so it looked like this.

And yesterday my electrician came out and configured all the plugs so we wouldn't have to run an extension cord from the dryer area to the finished portion of the basement. And now it looks like this:

It's starting to look like a real room! It needs baseboard and window trim but it's getting there! I grabbed the painting from the reveal that used to be over the living room mantle.

But don't look over there; when I do I get the theme song to Sanford and Son stuck in my head.

The boy and I have an agreement, stolen from a very smart friend, that we will keep everything we own for the first year of living together. So we have two beds and lots of duplicate kitchen gear that got boxed up and stored in the garage and basement. The last thing you want to do after a relationship ends is to have to buy a new bed (or a new cheese grater, or whatever) because you got rid of yours when you moved in together. So we'll reassess in a year or two or whenever we feel like it and then we can start to pare down our stuff. But for right now we have a mattress in the alcove.

Now I'm itching to paint the wood paneling that lines the stairs down to the basement and replace that nasty carpet.

And lastly, Hall and Oates will finally have to go.

Earthquake preparedness

Man, have there been a lot of earthquakes lately or what?  Haiti, Chili, Mexicali, Spain . . . in Oregon we're right on the area where the Juan de Fuca plate is being subducted by the North American plate.  Basically, two plates are pushing against the other, creating increasing pressure.  Eventually the pressure hits a crucial point and one plate jumps a little and moves over the other.  The North American plate is overtaking the Juan de Fuca plate and all that action is taking place along the Oregon and Washington coasts.

I love dropping this knowledge at parties. Before I went to library school I intended to become a geologist.  

They estimate large earthquakes happen because of this subduction every 300-500 years.  The last one, the Cascadia quake, caused a huge tsunami in Japan and widespread damage in the Pacific Northwest.  It took place in 1700, so we're due.

I've been meaning to put safety straps on my water heater so it wouldn't fall over in the case of an earthquake.  I finally got around to buying the straps but then I was stymied by the cement walls in my basement.  I didn't want to create a potential water leak by drilling into the cement walls.  I decided this was one of those things I should hire out.  At the very least, if they make it leak I can call them and make them fix it until it's right.

I used Neil Kelly and the carpenter they sent out was absolutely the NICEST skilled laborer I've had at the house (and I've had some really nice ones).  He waterproofed the bolt holes with some sort of tar-like substance.  He also cut PVC piping to measure so the water heater wouldn't rock and hit the wall.  I definitely wouldn't have thought to do that.

All told it took an hour and $105 to complete.  Since I was already down there I decided to finally flush the water heater.  They recommend doing it once a year to get rid of the sediment that builds up at the bottom of the tank.  You just cut the power, grab a bucket, and open the valve at the bottom.

Commence brown yuckiness!

Here's to hoping all this is unnecessary and that the big one doesn't hit for another 100 years, hopefully after we've retrofitted all the bridges in Portland!

Decorating the basement

I was doing some spring cleaning and I decided to finally move the armchair down into the basement.  I had to take the legs (and the basement door) off and I *might* have dinged the paint a bit coming down.

I think the room needs a pop of color, don't you?  I decided to move my red tables into the basement.  They were from my reveal:

And then they got moved to the laundry room.  Even laundry rooms need color.  And a lot of junk, apparently.

My coworker has a Murphy bed she no longer needs. I'm going to put it on the wall where the yellow table currently resides.  Then when I have house guests they can fold down the bed and have their own suite down here.

I was so excited about starting to get this going that I dragged my roommate down to see it.  And I saw another centipede.  And I screamed.  And I squeezed the car keys in my hands and set off my car alarm.  And then the dog went nuts.

We're VERY excited about the basement over here.

Hall and Oates

We're in stereo!

Crawly things

The night after we completed the basement laminate install Bill picked me up for dinner and I dragged him down to look at the finished product.  We were oohing and ahhing over the floor until I started screaming because there was a CENTIPEDE on the fireplace.

Have you ever seen one in real life?  They are disgusting and they move FAST.  Bill rolled his eyes and killed it for me.  [Someone later asked me if we took it outside and I was like, "Why would I let something from the 7th level of hell live?  Huh?"]

Afterward I had a tender moment because Bill's been rescuing me from bugs for eight years!  Thank the heavens for him!  The funny thing is that, in the last nine months, I have been in just about every crevice in my house with the exception of the crawl spaces.  I was actually at the point where I was feeling like maybe I was brave enough to don one of those white suits and go in there.  But now?  Now that I know there are centipedes?  Nuh uh.  No way.

Should the spiders of the world decide to work on their PR, I think a good slogan would be: "Spiders: we're not centipedes!"  I like them better already.

Hallelujah!

I have no words.  I never knew I could be so in love with a fake wood product.

 

  

Do you remember what my basement used to look like?

Skanky carpeting over mildewed foam over glued-down foam over vinyl tile.  I chose something called an "insulayment" which combines padding with a vapor barrier to go under the laminate flooring.  It's pretty easy to roll out and tape together.

But that's upside down, dumbass.  This is better:

Doesn't it look like a swimming pool?

I bribed Scott and Keith, they of the gigantic muscles, with breakfast and pizza to help me install the laminate.  They wouldn't even drink the beer I bought them because, apparently, it's unsafe to operate electric saws while drinking.  

We started in the alcove. The alcove I still need to paint.  Pick carefully when you start laying down flooring!  It guides the rest of the installation and EVERYTHING will have to originate from that side of the room henceforth.

 

You'll want to gather as many tape measures as you can.  You'll spend the rest of the day fetching them from the yard because Keith accidentally takes the measuring tape upstairs every time he measures, even though there's one right next to the chop saw, but that's okay.

They call these "special cuts."  Keith is masterfully accurate on a chop saw.

Once we got past the weird areas it was just glorious feet and feet of installing whole boards.  It went super fast.  Bill showed up to help and we were so in a groove that he was relegated to documenting our progress.

 

I'm totally tempted to buy a mirror and barre and turn this into a dance studio.  Couldn't you just pirouette for hours? It took us five hours, start to finish, which I think is pretty damn impressive.  I'm so pleased I want to start asking strangers off the street to come down to my basement.  But that might be weird.

It's always something.

I'm prepping the basement for laminate flooring, which means Dryloking any cracks in the basement floor and moving everything out of that space.  It also means a little bit more scraping in the alcove, where there was no vinyl tile laid down; there was just padding glued down on the cement slab. 

Good enough.  I whipped up a container of Drylok (please please remember that Drano melts this stuff) and worked incredibly fast, filling the holes that were created by the carpet tack strips being nailed into the concrete.  

 

I missed a hole, can you tell where?  I don't know how I did that.  But a funny thing happened while I was trying to loosen little bits of vinyl tile from under the perimeter where the drywall made it difficult to scrape: I found crumbled bits of wood.  Sort of like you'd see with termites.  

I think.  

It's just in one spot and it could be dry rot.  Or it could be termites.  Termites in Oregon are subterranean, so it's totally plausible that they'd be in the basement.  The wood gives when you poke it with a screwdriver.  While I had my cheek pressed to the floor, peering into the half-inch clearance between the Drywall and the floor, I noticed that there was wood paneling underneath the drywall.  Awesome. Why remove that when you can just add more layers on top?

So I called my trusty exterminator dude and he's going to come out tomorrow to tell me what he thinks.  I'm just hoping he doesn't tell me that we need to remove the drywall from that area.  

He's probably going to tell me we need to remove the drywall from that area.  So it goes.

Super awesome update: No sign of termites but the guy did a quick spray for me, behind the drywall, just in case any termites think about coming in for a snack.  EcoTech NW is highly recommended, if you're local.